Last Shot Lament

Never ever drinking again

Never ever drinking again

Do you ever get that post-Friday night paranoia? Those “I’ve been sleeping all day” Saturday blues? That all too familiar “Did I say too much?” wariness?

The “I told the Dwarf story again didn’t I?” realisation. The “Shit, I was talking reeeeaaallly loud” flash back.

The last shot lament?

Do you message all your friends to make sure they still love you, in case your uncouth sex talk put them off you for life?

Do you face palm yourself awake when you recall the theme of the night, asking the work hottie what it’s like to have been carved by angels? Lecturing much younger boys on their love lives? Going deep on the subjects of motherhood, fatherhood and sweet liberty?

Loudly listing all the work colleagues you’d do, while even loudlier bullet-pointing the reasons you wouldn’t shag the others. Remembering slices of gossip about the office gossip to store away for later, just in case?

Do you ever wish you’d stuck to your plan to nurse a lime and soda all night?

Yeah, me neither.

Eyes Wide Open Cinema presents Pink Flamingos – (Film) Review

This weekend I got to spend Saturday with one of my oldest and best loved friends, Paul (AKApink_flamingos_poster_03 Vegan Monkey). We hadn’t seen each other in 6 long years and in the time we’ve been apart we’ve both got married, grown older and not a lot else, to be honest.

We go way back, and some of you might remember Paul from my sex toy reviewing days, as I used to help him a lot when he was in the ‘wholesale business’. Remind me, will you, next time I whinge about never having achieved anything, that several of my product descriptions are gracing the cover of dildo boxes across the globe. Not all writers can say that.

But this is a post about a very special film indeed, so I’ll stop talking smut for a moment. Although, given the film, rubber dongs are the least of our worries.

I saw it as fate that this movie was showing in 35mm at the Duke of York’s on the very same day Paul was due to visit. We’re both massive John Waters fans and it’s our love of terrible movies that brought us together 15 years ago, and will keep us together into old(er) age, no doubt.

Just in case *Spoilers everywhere*

Pink Flamingos (1972)

Director: John Waters
Stars: Divine, Mary Vivian Pearce, David Lochary, Mink Stole

IMDB Synopsis: Notorious Baltimore criminal and underground figure Divine goes up against Connie & Raymond Marble, a sleazy married couple who make a passionate attempt to humiliate her and seize her tabloid-given title as “The Filthiest Person Alive”.

My Review:

Divine, in hiding and living under the pseudonym ‘Babs Johnson’, has recently been named “The Filthiest Person Alive” by the tabloids. She’s a lowdown dirty murderer and thief, surrounded by a band of like-minded individuals including her mother, her friend, Cotton and her son, Crackers.

Caravan of Love

They’re hiding out in a caravan in the woods, where they live a simple life. Unfortunately, all that is about to change as they’ve got themselves some competition. Obsessed with stealing the dubious title from Divine, Connie and Raymond Marble have a plan. But will it work and would it ever be possible to out filth the Queen of Filth? We’ll just see about that.

As plans go, the Marbles have a good one. To send a spy in to seduce Crackers and gather intel on the family while she’s at it. Poor Cookie (Cookie Mueller) has to endure possibly one of the most disturbing scenes I have ever seen in my life (chickens most definitely WERE harmed in the making of this scene).

Connie Marble: Fashion Icon

The Marbles, while Cookie is doing her thing, are busy running their black market adoption ring, selling babies to lesbian couples. Don’t be fooled though, this racket involves kidnapped women, a hideous basement and their hyper-fertile man-butler, Channing (Channing Wilroy), who keeps the women impregnated against their will.

You'll just have to imagine him flashing

You’ll just have to imagine him flashing

Raymond Marble also has an extra curricular hobby; flashing girls in public with cured meats dangling from his junk; then robbing their purses when they run away. I just hope he disposes of those salamis afterwards.

Back from her ‘date’ with Crackers, Cookie reveals what she knows about Divine & Co, mainly that it’s Babs’ birthday soon and that she’ll be having a party. The Marbles send a charming birthday gift to Divine (think *poo emoji*). Addressed to ‘Fatso’, it claims to be from “The Filthiest People Alive”.

Eyebrows on fleek

Eyebrows on fleek

Well, what’s a gal to do when her title’s being threatened? Vow to kill the sender, obvs. But first; party!

Divine’s birthday party is eventful and has given me some fresh ideas for my 40th in a few years. She’s spoilt rotten by her friends, who bring her, among other things, a giant axe (I see this coming in handy) and a pig’s head. No book tokens for this Queen.

"I've always wanted one!"

“Just what I’ve always wanted!”

The Marbles sneak along to witness the hubbub and are so shocked (easily shocked for such a filthy couple, if you ask me) that they call the cops. This makes no sense to me given their own nefarious lifestyle, but never mind. Predictably, the fuzz don’t come out of this well. It’s also war now, with all filthy bets OFF.

Divine and Crackers get word from the local gossip that the Marbles are behind this shit, so they head to Marble HQ where they find Channing, who’s been locked in the cupboard for dressing up as both Connie and Raymond, which for some reason they weren’t very happy about.

"We got this breaking and entering thang licked, son."

“We got this breaking and entering thang licked, son.”

Before they stumble across Channing, free the trapped girls in the basement and escape, Divine and son lick every available surface, like you do. I can’t handle spit so this was one of the most disturbing parts for me, even though the next scene sees Divine administer some lovin’ on her own son (vom).

Channing is punished for his misdemeanours by the captive girls, just in case you were wondering. It’s not nearly enough to make up for the horrible trauma they’ve suffered, but it is satisfying.

This is not a good scene, man

This is not a good scene, man

While all this goes down, the Marbles burn down Divine’s trailer. Luckily nobody’s home, as they’re all otherwise engaged. Normally, Divine’s mother would be home in her playpen but she got engaged to the egg delivery man and was last seen being wheeled away in a wheelbarrow at Divine’s birthday party.

tumblr_ndvg7cjshQ1r81kteo1_500

When Divine and crew find out about the arson they go back to the Marble home, kidnap the Marbles and alert the media, because murderous acts are nothing without the national press, everybody knows that. Divine and friends hold a kangeroo court which is quite one-sided and then they do a very bad thing on camera, thus sealing the deal on the ‘Filthiest Person Alive’ argument.

Spoiler: It’s Divine.

Fin.

tumblr_newjmnDAKA1r81kteo1_500

My Thoughts: 

I love this movie but let’s be under no illusion, it is designed to shock. And when I say that it’s shocking, I mean it. This is a film about vile human beings who commit horrible acts and give zero fucks about it. The film contains rape, flashing, murder, excrement and a raw steak being thrust up Divine’s dress. It ain’t for the faint-hearted.

John Waters is my kind of guy in that he rarely compromises his unique style and proudly plays up to his ‘Sultan of Slease’ moniker. It’s a different kind of sick and wrong than say, The Human Centipede (2009), which was also designed purely to gross out audiences and push censorship boundaries. At least you can look on Pink Flamingos with humour and it is laugh out loud funny in places. It’s also just about the kitschiest thing I’ve ever seen.

There are parts I found really hard to watch, as you’d expect. Edie eating eggs is one of the milder elements that made my stomach churn. We also can’t talk about PF without talking about poo. I dreaded ‘that scene’ all the way through and then I found myself in it and – yep – it made me gag. Like actually almost blow chunks gag. It doesn’t help that Divine does not look like she’s having fun in that scene.

It does have to be said however, IMHO that there’s something about Divine. I mean, she dominates the screen with her innate sense of style and I imagine, were her character a real person, she’d be a total doll. I mean, if you weren’t on her wrong side.

I really admired both Connie Marble and Cotton’s wardrobes.

All in all Pink Flamingoes is a ride through John Water’s mind that you’ll never forget. You’ll feel ill and possibly toss your cookies but man, you’ll have yourself some fun.

My Rating: 4/5 – It’s more of an experience that a film and for that I rate it highly.

We Are The Best (Film) Review

14004_JACKPOT_QUAD_AW.indd

We’ve decided to stick to Foreign Cinema for the time being, for no other reason really than because it’s awesome. This week’s pick, by Jillian, is no exception. I mean, it’s a film about an 80’s teen punk band FFS, what more can you want?

Incidentally, the most dominant thought I take away from this is: should I cut my hair über short?

As always, *spoilers!*

We Are The Best (2013)

Director: Lukas Moodysson
Stars: Mira Barkhammar, Mira Grosin, Liv LeMoyne

IMDB Synopsis: Three girls in 1980s Stockholm decide to form a punk band — despite not having any instruments and being told by everyone that punk is dead.

My Review:

Bobo and Klara are BFFs who take great comfort from their friendship, while the world around them seems to reject their ideals.

Classmates (right out of Sparkle Motion) taunt them for the way they look – that old “You’d be so pretty if only you…” chestnut – and maintain that punk is dead. The girls are secure enough in themselves to push back against this nonsense, they know punk still has a pulse and one day, whilst trying to drown out the sound of the local youth group band, Iron Fist (how original), they set about trying to prove it.

“What do you mean this feels like that scene in Napoleon Dynamite?”

Sadly, enthusiasm alone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re an instant hit and they must look outside their twosome for a solution to success. Enter Christian good girl, Hedvig, who plays mean guitar. Can the girls open Hedvig’s mind and show her ideas beyond her God, whilst simultaneously smashing the shit out of patriarchy via the medium of P-U-N-K? Hopefully!

This film does have a lovely feminist undertone. The girls get called ugly constantly by their male peers, and maybe this is why I liked it so much, as it really hit a nerve. All three girls are at a point in life where they’re questioning their own desirability, while actively making a pact not to conform to what’s expected of them, hence the reason the boys think they’re hideous. Bobo and Klara agree not to wear make-up and have punk haircuts maintained by themselves, in their respective bathrooms at home.

The girls have loving families by the way, though Bobo’s mother embarrasses her at parties, has relationship issues and sometimes men over. As a result, Bobo often comes across as the adult in their relationship. Her dad does come around from time to time, but is largely absent.

“So… going anywhere nice this Summer?”

Klara’s family are even more hideous in that they’re encouraging and want to jam with the girls, which goes down like a lead balloon with Klara. When the girls fall out of favour with Hedvig’s highly religious mother, by persuading Hedvig to cut her very long blonde hair, Klara’s father finds it hilarious. He also spends a fair amount of his time wandering around in his pants in polite company and this makes his A-OK with me.

As the girls get better at music, under the tutelage of Hedvig, and polish their anti-PE anthem (my kind of girls), they also explore their blossoming interest in the opposite sex.

We-Are-the-Best-2-e1384356272598

Say no to Scrubs

Bobo has a crush on Klara’s brother, sixteen year old Linus who’s quite nice to her, even when she gets drunk and pukes on his precious record collection. But there’s trouble ahead when the girls meet a fellow punk band, and Bobo and Klara set their sights on the same dude. Awkward.

Ovaries before Brovaries, Klara, c'mon

Ovaries before Brovaries, Klara, c’mon

All this coincides with a small gig the girls are booked to play with Iron Fist, organised by their local youth club.

On reviewing this film back, it could be said that not much happens action-wise. However, the beauty of this story lies in the relationship between the three girls, and between them and their families. Also, in the band sticking it to the man and learning to love themselves (basically the most important lesson you can ever learn, and some would argue, you never stop learning).

Friendship is good

Friendship is good

Friendship is the best

Friendship is the best

To the questions section! Will Bobo and Klara survive getting off with the same boy, in time to kick some serious musical butt? Will they ever prove that they’re the best? Will Hedvig renounce Jesus forever? Would a mohawk suit me?

And most importantly, will the band rock the shit out of their first real gig, proving without a shadow of doubt that Punk is still alive and kicking? All this and more will be revealed*.

“You did not just ask me if I know Wannabe!”

My Thoughts: I have to apologise for a slightly all over the place review, I’m in a bit of a daze after a busy weekend and a late night (more to be revealed about that soon!). Our internet also decided to go down on Friday, so I was forced to view this via the Netflix app on my phone. Which was fine but a little more laborious that normal.

But I always try to deliver on my promises, hence completing this week’s assignment, like a boss.

I really liked We Are The Best and I liked it because of the central characters. I love them together and I wanted them to do well. I think they all played their parts really brilliantly and made me believe in them, which is no mean feat, especially when the characters are so young.

I also wish I’d had friends like them when I was 13. Lots of the time I completely identified with how they were feeling about themselves. Had I had a punk group to focus on back then, maybe I would have been less inclined to eat my lunch locked alone in a toilet cubicle every day.

Also, in all their awkward dealing with boys I will eternally be on the same page. It’s heartbreaking when the boy you like likes your friend and you just feel perpetually shit about yourself. Bobo almost breaks me when she’s trying to be nonchalant about her feelings.

Bobo, I was you and I still am sometimes

Bobo, I was you and I still am sometimes

All in all, this was a joy. I loved one scene in particular, when the girls gain access to an electric guitar and the well-meaning youth club workers quite condescendingly (but kindly) give Hedvig some pointers on how to play. She wipes the floor with them, despite never having picked up an electric version before.

The underlying message of friendship is gorgeous and the climax is hilarious. Watch it.

My Rating: 4/5 – Highly recommend.

So what did Jillian make of her choice this week? Go see for yourselves!

*We may never know the answer to one of them. Then again, never say never.

Things & Inc #4

It’s been a while, so I thought I’d share a few of things I’ve been into lately. Why the hell not, eh?

sense8

Television: Sense 8

I’m not great at explaining what the chuff is going on in most Sci-Fi stories, most of the time barely clinging on to the plot myself, so I’ll let IMDB explain it for me:

A group of people around the world are suddenly linked mentally, and must find a way to survive being hunted by those who see them as a threat to the world’s order.

Got it? I have just about grasped it now but the first few episodes were not my friends. What sets this series apart from similar, and what ultimately pulled me in and kept me there, is that it’s written and directed by The Wachowskis.

I can’t believe there are many people out there unfamiliar with The Matrix franchise, but if one of you happens to read this post (hi, what have you been doing?); The Wachowskis were responsible for the trilogy. They’ve also been involved in a few films I adore, including Bound (1996) and Cloud Atlas (2012). Even writing and producing V for Vendetta (2005).

What makes Sense 8 rule, aside from great characters and some fucking great action scenes, is that it takes a close look at issues such as sexuality, gender, identity, religion and plays around with our perceptions of those things. Essentially, these eight ‘sensates’ can walk in each other’s shoes and wouldn’t the World be a better place if we could all do that, even for a moment?

I can’t talk about all the characters but I will say my favourite is Sun Bak (Bae Doona), a Seoul businesswoman with a Masters degree in Ecomomic – who is also an up-and-comer in the underground, and male-dominated, kickboxing world.

EXACTLY.

I strongly recommend this though I will freely admit that I nearly stopped watching after the first episode. I’m so glad got over myself as this was so worth my time. With a rumoured 5 year plan in place for the characters and show, the future is looking rather bright for Sense 8.

Film: Creepcreep

I love Mark Duplass. He’s handsome and clever; and frequently credited with pioneering the mumblecore movement with his brother, Jay and a handful of other like-minded writer/directors.

He also does creepy rather well, as this film proves. The gist is this: a videographer answers an ad in Craiglist to be part of a bizarre assignment in a remote mountain town. Things, of course, are not quite as they seem when he arrives.

I have to be careful with this mini review as it would be easy to give the game away, and the beauty of this slightly odd film is in its subtlety. And then not. You’ll see what I mean.

Aaron (Partick Brice) meets Josef and quickly realises there’s something a little off about him. But he also has a sad back story, which has driven him to reach out to Aaron, so what’s a kindly guy to do?

I’ll let you figure out for yourself how Aaron and Josef get on but since this is a ‘found footage’ film, you’ll have the idea going in that it isn’t all friendship bracelets and clinking beer bottles.

Chilling, atmospheric and ominous as fuck.

Music: Go/Shine

The best two songs of the Summer (so far).

Go makes me feel like a superhero when I listen to it, usually whilst walking to work. And I bloody love Years & Years.

Believe me, listening to current music is not something that I do very often, so to be into these is kind of a big deal.

What have you been loving lately?

Dream Weaver

tumblr_nrupgrR0VI1qiww0to1_500I’ve been having the most bizarre and vivid dreams lately. Perhaps it’s not that surprising given all the human centipedes, creeps and Sensates (not to mention, vengeful feminist vampire teens) I’ve exposed myself to in recent weeks, but still.

Maybe it’s more to do with eating ice cream right before bed, three evenings in a row?

Whatever it is, I’ve been spending my nights roaming the woods with my crossbow (last night), leading an apocalypse survivors gang (night before) and rushing around Disneyland Paris (specifically a new Monsters Inc themed park), trying to find a phone to call work and tell them I’m going to be late (Monday).

Every morning this week I have woken up relieved be in my own bed and not lost in the wilderness. What’s going on, yo? It’s getting exhausting!

Of course these are good old fashioned anxiety dreams, everybody has them from time to time. There are the usual everyday bits and bobs going on, some existential shit such as “What’s it all about?” and the “I need a new job” shiz, but nothing more than normal, or out of the ordinary.

So why am I ferociously fighting for my life, or to get to the office on time, in almost all dreams? Perhaps my inner wall flower gets her best work done subconsciously. Maybe biting my damn tongue all time is finally getting to me and this is my outlet (I’m trying not to be the apologetic/overly diplomatic one all the time).

Whatever the answer is, I’m sure I’ll be doing the same thing tonight. Perhaps I should start paying more attention on these adventures, they’d make great films.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Cute but Gross

cropped-a-voluptuous-mine-banner-brick1.jpg

Have you seen my amazing new blog header by my friend, Cute but Gross? I love it so much!

Combining some of my biggest loves, including film, books and graffiti, it even includes a quote from all time favourite film, True Romance. So you could say the aesthetic is very me and she’s completely nailed it, as I knew she would.

Cute but Gross is my friend Michaela, who I’ve known ever since I came back to Brighton from Canada. She’s a talented painter/illustrator and has been doing some really interesting projects lately, all of which you can view on her Instagram.

See something you love? Well that’s handy, here’s CBG’s online shop!

Good, isn’t she? And now I feel like a real blog!

A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night (Film) Review

agwhaan_cd_front_1400x1400_1024x1024

Image from the cover of AGWHAAN OST CD

World cinema is fun! And this week is definitely no exception, although sometimes the fun gets a little bogged down in different emotions, such as pity, rage, despair, hope and triumph.

My choice this week and I’m feeling pretty good about it. Incidentally, this film has been on my list for a while but became more pressing when I read this review. I mean, any review that talks about fuck boys is always going to be alright with me.

But to my own thoughts.

*Beware SPOILERS*

A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night (2014)

Director: Ana Lily Amirpour (who also wrote the film)
Stars: Sheila Vand, Arash Marandi, Marshall Manesh

IMDB Synopsis: In the Iranian ghost-town Bad City, a place that reeks of death and loneliness, the townspeople are unaware they are being stalked by a lonesome vampire.

My Review:

I’m kind of sad that the synopsis of this film and also the original film poster mentions that this is a Vampire movie. I mean, it’s not a shock when this is revealed, but I think it might have been a nice touch to go in not really knowing much about The Girl. Not that we know anything, mind, beyond her penchant for thick black eyeliner (my kind of girl), lipstick and Breton stripes.

a_girl_photo3

Rebel with a Cause, we just don’t know what yet

Anyway, that’s a minor thing. We begin the film gazing at James Dean-alike Arash as he leans against a fence, slowly smoking a cigarette. For the uninitiated, I am a massive sucker for this aesthetic on men or women, shoot it in black and white and I’m yours forever.

Arash is standing around and I can’t be sure of his motivation, though he does either steal or rescue a cat and walks off into the next scene with it slung happily over his shoulder. I don’t blame you cat.

Next stop is Arash’s home, where an old man sits in a grubby front room area and injects something into his toes. He doesn’t look like your average junkie so there might be a rational explanation for this but when The King of the Fuck Boys* (presumably) walks in, we are illuminated to just how bad the old man’s condition is. He’s also Arash’s father and owes Saeed (Fuck Boy) a lot of money.

Saeed plays threateningly with the cat for a bit then makes a speech about how Hossein is just a ‘normal man’ who needs ‘medicine’ to get through life. Riiiiight. Then he takes Arash’s car which is his pride and joy and Arash punches a wall.

Alas, this is life and Arash must keep on swimming so off he goes to his landscaping job. He’s called indoors to tune in the TV by the attractive daughter of his employers and under the guise of being gentlemanly, he ushers her out of her bedroom (because being alone would be inappropriate). Really, he’s clocked a nice pair of diamond earrings that might just get him his car back…

Meanwhile, Saeed meets with The Princess, a beautiful prostitute called Shaydah (Rome Shadanloo) and surprisingly, doesn’t treat her very nicely. He also rips her off for her cut of earnings like a true pig. While being a dick in Arash’s car, he spots something out of the corner of his eye and freaks out, even though he doesn’t know what it was. We know though, we know it good, it’s a figure in a hajib and it looks kind of serious.

thumbnail_20079

Dance like nobody’s watching

We follow the figure and it leads us down into a basement room where a fucking cool girl is dancing. I mean there are few things I love better than black kohl eyeliner (yes, even at the advanced age of 37) and this chick rocks it. She’s effortlessly cool and at first glance I already know she’s going to be one of my favourite movie heroines in recent years.

A-Girl-Walks-Home-Alone-At-Night-1

Fuck the no make-up look. Fuck it all to Hell

It will also become clear soon that this is our mystery figure and I like this scene because she’s painted as a normal person with normal interests, like music, fashion and pop culture. I also like that we get to witness The Girl making up her face. Now I’m quite sure most women would identify with the ritual of meticulously applying the warpaint before going out to do business, be that an ordinary day at the office, a date or vigilante justice.

Walking back to his apartment later on, Saeed bumps into The Girl. First of all there is a face off and we can’t be sure where it’s going to go but Saeed does what most men do when faced with a female in almost any situation, assumes she wants sex. So she goes home with him under the illusion he’s about to get some.

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night _saeed

SNIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

Things don’t quite pan out the way Saeed planned and I’m not going to go into the ins and out. This film is very much worth a viewing of your own but let’s just say we now have an idea of what The Girl is and how she rolls.

In the aftermath of Saeed’s meeting with The Girl, Arash gets his car back, plus a case full of drugs and cash. Which is helpful. The Princess, meanwhile, is being hassled by Hossein, who seems to have a soft spot for the ladies as well as H. Oh, and don’t think The Girl hasn’t noticed Hossein’s behaviour, because she totally has.

AGirlWalksHomeAloneAtNight

Why did the Vampire cross the road? To fuck up the dude on the other side… obvs

It’s a shame Hossein is such a dick nose, because Arash is actually not a bad guy, despite appearances. This isn’t immediately apparent when he’s selling X in da club to rich kids but he is. Honest. He also crashes and burns with the rich daughter from earlier on, who rejects his advances.

On the way home, Arash meets The Girl for himself and is so charming in his drugged up state that he seems to throw her intentions completely. I mean, I expected her to eat him there and then. What follows is a scene so heart wrenchingly beautiful that I’m not even going to talk about it.

GirlNightThroat

Courting, Vamp style

The Girl has also commandeered a skateboard from a future fuck boy (not after she’s finished with him though), and there’s a shot of her skating down the street with her hajib flowing out behind her that blew my tiny mind.

I might leave the rest up to you now, to be honest but along the way Arash and The Girl form a stronger bond; The Princess meets The Girl and TG inevitably ends up dishing out more nuggets of vigilante goodness, which may or may not send the course of Arash’s life crashing in a completely unexpected direction.

You’re interested though, aren’t you?

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night_the cat

“We’re all going on a… Summer holiday…”

To the questions section! Because no review of mine is complete without a series of wills/wheres/hows and whys, amiright?

So… Will TG and Arash live happily ever after? Will Hossein sort himself out for his son’s sake? Will anyone ever truly appreciate that poor damned cat? How did The Girl even become a vampire?

Should I buy myself a new Breton top because it’s such a chic, crisp look? Also, should I get a long-board? Some of these questions will be answered, some will be left open to your own interpretation and some simply don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Enjoy!

CdqiD12

Alternative poster by Levente Szabo

My Thoughts: This film is the nuts. Written and directed by a woman, which shouldn’t be a thing of note in this day and age, but still totally is, it’s a feminist piece, in that all bad men get what for. Even the young lad skirting around a future in douche baggery is handed his arse. The title is great, A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night – think about it, have you ever walked home from the pub on a Friday night and feared for your personal safety? Of course you have and that’s what The Girl is, she’s the saviour that cleans the streets so you don’t have to feel that way. Brilliant, non? It’s poetic, inspiring and I fucking loved it.

Yes, I can be very generous when it comes to rating the films I watch, sometimes for the flimsiest reasons (like I love Simon Pegg) but honestly, this is a true work of art. It has been very well received because it’s beautifully filmed, fantastically acted and it’s lack of gratuitous violence and gore is a massive plus, if you ask me (even though I love that shit). It could be the B&W aesthetic that lends it the subtlety. Whatever it is, it works like a (bad) dream.

There are several stand out scenes that will stay with me for a long time – two of which I have mentioned above. I also like the main characters and love that even the good guy is flawed. They’re both good at heart but capable of terrible behaviour and the final act, which I shan’t spoil for you, is extremely hopeful and romantic.

Can we just quickly talk about the cat? She’s a terrible actor, staring out of shot at the action going on behind the scenes, almost derailing the whole film. At one point I swear she strains her neck to sniff at the boom engineer or something. Go back to acting school, cat!

My Rating: 5/5 – an absolute must see.

I wonder what Jill thinks of this one? Let’s go see shall we?!

*I’m going to stop saying fuck boy now.