Killer Mermaid (Film) Review

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“I Know What You Did Last Summer meets Splash!” No.

It’s mermaid time, bitches and I, for one, am thrilled! I love me a mermaid story in pretty much any capacity, but an evil one? I am so in.

It was my turn to choose the film for Jillian & Christa’s Great Blog Collab 2015, Part 3.

I did think this film was called Killer Mermaids (plural), suggesting multiple fishy babes, but I was mistaken. I avoided all reviews/trailers so as not to spoil the bound to be incredible premise and I’m glad, for this was a fishy treat to the very end (sort of).

Let us begin.

The Film:

Killer Mermaid (2014)
AKA “Nymph” (Original title “Mamula”) – so good, they name it thrice

Where to Watch: 

US Netflix

The Premise:

Two young American women go on a Mediterranean vacation and uncover the watery lair of a killer mermaid hidden beneath an abandoned military fortress. What was once a carefree adventure becomes a deadly fight for survival. (via IMDB)

The Trailer: 

Viewable here.

The Uncondensed Version:

We open with an underwater scene reminiscent of Jaws but without the John Williams soundtrack (there is music and it is trying to be Jaw-sy but failing dismally). The POV shot takes us on a tour of an abandoned shipwreck before veering straight for the surface.

Next we see a series of cheesy holiday snaps between a bald man and his cutesy blonde companion. It’s typical cheeky fair, having japes in a Mediterranean setting while taking lots of pictures. All set to a Euro trash disco track that mentions partying a lot.

It’s night time. Baldie and Blondie are by the shore. Blondie takes off her top and asks Baldie if he’s just going to stand there staring. He closes his mouth and strips, but is distracted by a sound rather like (bad) singing. He walks to the edge of the water and is gone. Blondie is inconsolable and while she is screaming for help, a man (?) in Wellington boots comes up behind her and swings a hook/anchor type affair into the back of her head and drags her off. It doesn’t look good for Blondie.

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“She wore an… itsy bitsy teeny weeny… black and silver sheer bikini…”

Enter our heroines, Kelly and Lucy, two Americans out for a good time. Lucy is obviously the good time girl because she can rock a bikini like nobody’s business, while Kelly is a little more serious as she’s covered up and keeps talking about work. She’s a writer and her editor is bugging her about writing a piece on the town they are visiting.

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Killer Mermaid (Film) Review

My Week in Pictures – February 19 to 26

PicMonkey Collage

Last time I posted my Week in Pictures, I waxed lyrical about going through a period of hibernation. Not much has changed.

It’s not something that worries me. I feel as though I have arrived at a great stage in my life where I don’t have to bend to pressure from other people and if I want to be the homebody I really am, I can go underground, without regret. That said, if I want to go out and dance in trainers until 3am, that is also my prerogative.

Right now, both G and I are on the arse end of a nasty bout of sickness. I’ve been sicker (!) but have miraculously managed to get myself to work, and out on several occasions, despite the above, while my one true love has been signed off work for a week. It’s not that he hasn’t been knocked for six by a chest infection, it’s just that I am far more heroic.

I realise on looking back that I was also talking about being sick in my last pictures post. I’ve been regularly and, it feels, constantly sick in one way or another since Christmas. I will be investing in a flu jab forthwith and taking more vitamins, because this cannot go on!

Pictures, left to right, top to bottom:

  1. I managed to get my aching butt to the pictures to see 50 Shades, as you already know. My reaction was mixed and my review is here, in case you missed it
  2. A good way to measure how I’m feeling about myself is by how many #selfies I take. This one was a turning point after a long flu-like sickness. Hello world!
  3. I got a bit excited when I noticed this Aroe piece right opposite where we live. It’s tucked down a little side alley and I only noticed it when I popped out to buy a pint of milk. I get excited about graffiti and lost my cool a few months back when I spotted this artist live in the act of creating a new piece #totalfangirl
  4. Having fun with rainbows. Spotted this in the car park at work, Instagrammed it. Obvs
  5. Two new babies from Models Own’s Chrome collection. Chrome Rose and Chrome Olive. They are delightful and the perfect little treats to cheer up a dreary day (although this day looks pretty spectac in this image)
  6. Leopard print lifts any outfit and these make me feel like I can do anything!
  7. My husband never puts his foot down about anything I do to modify myself but doesn’t think a septum piercing would suit me. To prove him wrong, I bought a fake one. Sadly, the man in right – it’s not a great look for me…
  8. A bonus of working in our shitty building is the epic view of the sun sets, this one was particularly awe-inspiring
  9. Lips!

Happy weekend loves, Hope you’ve had a good one!

My Week in Pictures – February 19 to 26

50 Shades of Grey (Film) Review

fifty_shades_of_grey_ver3I’ve thought long and hard (giggle) about this review for some reason and I don’t really know why. I think it’s because reviews of crappy films often annoy me.

I mean, the rule doesn’t necessarily apply here in exactly the same way but with a film such as The Expendables, for instance, there is always so much huff and puff about how it’s light on plot/the dialogue is shit/acting not up to much and I think, well duh but it’s fun, isn’t it? Is this not why we are here? (In style of Maximus Decimus Crowe).

With this in mind, I’m not going to tear this film a new one just because it’s inspired by a very badly written trilogy of books, about a frankly iffy relationship. I had a lot of fun with my movie date and passed through a range of emotions during the viewing, including: embarrassment, mirth, bemusement, rage and indifference.

50 Shade of Grey (2015)

I didn’t like the books but I read them anyway, so I had a point of reference when people talked about them. Wanting to be part of it is why I went to see the film, and because I wanted to see how it’s director, Sam Taylor-Johnson had adapted it, even with the input of E.L. James.

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“Ermahgerd you’re, like, so hot Mr Grey, ermahgerd!”

Let’s quickly do the negatives: This film is by no stretch the worst I’ve ever seen but it does have a TV Movie vibe about it. The acting is okay, borderline wooden at times. I think Dakota Johnson is quite likeable, despite being a bit of a caricature of ‘sexy’ with her breathy voice and big eyes. Jamie Dornan really doesn’t do it for me and I just don’t think there’s anything stand out about his performance, though they both do what they can with what they’ve got.

The dialogue is terrible, mainly because James is a truly horrible writer and it seems as though Taylor-Johnson lost the battle to refine it. At least we’re spared the whole ‘inner goddess’ schtick though, which is a massive Pro and should go on the positives list.

The sex scenes are a lot saucier than I expected, which probably sounds like a ridonkulous thing to say about a film about BDSM but I know what I mean. I was reassured by the fact that it was actually quite sexual, I thought it would be pseudo-sexy but somehow decidedly innocent. They actually do fuck, which is nice.

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50 Shades of Grey (Film) Review

Worry Woman

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I worry I don’t have this hair

My main act of #radicalselflove this week is to stop worrying so much.

I don’t know when I started being such a fretter but it seems overnight I caught the worry worts and now I lie awake at night remembering things I had aimed to do that day, but didn’t get around to or emails I wanted to send.

Go to sleep woman!

I worry about where I am in life at the age of 37, that I’m not earning very much. I worry that I’m not creatively fulfilled. I worry that everyone hates me and that I’ll be sacked tomorrow.

I won’t be able to get another job either, natch and my husband will leave me. I worry because I can’t seem to muster the energy to be healthier. I worry that I’m old before my time.

It goes on and on. It’s not good, is it?

So, I’m taking time out from tying myself up in knots. I know how lucky I am, to have a home, a loving relationship and the most awesome family.

I have a job and I know I’m good at it, even if I’m not doing exactly what I want to be within it. If I do decide to move on, then this is the only area that really needs to change, it can’t be that difficult. I’m a moderately intelligent human. I have a nice smile.

And I live in a world where Patricia Arquette has an Oscar and topped off her win with a kick ass feminist speech that made Meryl Streep fist pump (it’s more of an impassioned finger point). It’s a good time to be alive.

I think they call this period the Blues, usually it stays in January but with climate control and the polar ice caps, it drags on even longer these days.

Relax, I might sound incredibly negative in this post but there are lots of exciting blog things coming up and I love lots of things about my life. I know this is just a week of illness and PMS talking. I feel better sharing it with all of you already, you lucky, lucky people!

How’s your Monday been?

Image via Google.
Worry Woman

Frankenstein’s Army (Film) Review

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It’s time for the next exciting instalment of Jillian & Christa’s Great Blog Collab 2015 and believe me, this one’s a corker. Our short list is getting ever plumper and more bizarre, which makes me feel very excited about my Sundays.

This week was Jill’s choice.

NB: You know the score re: spoilers. There are some.

The Film:

Frankenstein’s Army (2013)

Where to Watch:

US Netflix

The Premise:

Toward the end of World War II, Russian soldiers pushing into eastern Germany stumble across a secret Nazi lab, one that has unearthed and begun experimenting with the journal of one Dr. Victor Frankenstein. The scientists have used the legendary Frankenstein’s work to assemble an army of super-soldiers stitched together from the body parts of their fallen comrades — a desperate Hitler’s last ghastly ploy to escape defeat. (via IMDB)

The Trailer:

Viewable here.

The Uncondensed Version:

We start with a home video of a young solider, Dimitri, pledging his allegiance to Stalin. He and his party appear to be going on a secret mission and Dimitri claims to be proud of the fact.

Dimitri appears for most of the rest of the film as a disembodied voice from behind his camera, for he has been entrusted to record the journey for posterity. We meet the other guys through his eyes and they are a rag tag bunch if ever there was one. We are treated to a montage of sorts (love a montage) while the boys take selfies with the local villagers and generally lark about.

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Frankenstein’s Army (Film) Review

Still I Rise

This weekend, share with us a poem that you love (by someone who isn’t you,Maya_Angelou please). Via Writing 201: Poetry Potluck (21st February 2015)

This may not be the most surprising choice from me but this is without question my favourite poem.

It works on every level and is essentially perfect.

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Still I Rise

Trust

tumblr_nf689cKfMw1r1vjs5o1_1280Today’s word is trust: write a poem in which you address, reflect on, or tell a story about the feeling of trusting or being trusted by another (person, animal, object, potted plant…). Or about distrusting them (or not being trusted yourself). Via Writing 201: Trust (17th February 2015)

Today’s form: acrostic

This was a hard but satisfying style to try and crack. I’m quite sure you could argue that I didn’t quite hit the mark but I did what was asked and that is enough for me.

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Trust