Do You Like My Tight Pants?

This week I purchased two pairs of ‘running tights’.2

I put that in quote marks not because they aren’t what they purport to be but because I’m hardly a runner (yet). I am not using mine strictly to run, but to walk and stomp and throw myself gracelessly about a school hall to the strains of something Latin flavoured (featuring Bulldog).

The thing is, and the clue is really in the title, they are so tight, man. Like bum squeezingly, thigh emphasisingly T-I-G-H-T!

Camel toe checks before leaving the house T-I-G-H-T!

I’m not sure if the world out there is ready for my jelly or even if I am ready for it myself, but I’ve crossed a bridge lately that means I can do things I would never have considered before.

Slap on a long line t-shirt and hoodie and half the battle is won. They make me feel naked which is a feeling I enjoy in the real world but the fact remains, there just isn’t any way to hide exactly what my body looks like in them.

This is my shape and it’s a good one, I suppose. It’s getting stronger but it’s right here and no amount of illusionism can disguise the fact I’m a big girl. Curvy yes, but also big.

(I’m not saying this is a bad thing for fear of sounding like I am body snarking, there is nothing wrong with big as far as I’m concerned. It’s about being happy and comfortable in your skin, and I’m getting there but I’m not there yet). Gottit?

I think this might be the most vulnerable I have felt in a long while, and I’ve been wandering about in sportswear for a few months now, even running in front of ‘real’ runners and strangers.

But the point is, me and my self-esteem rocking running tights are doing it. Like Nike, we’re not just talking about it, we’re doing it.

Swoosh!

Incidentally, I often ask my husband if my arse looks big in clothing and modelling these bad boys was no different. Without hesitation, he always replies with a massive grin on his face:

“Hellllll yeah!”

No hiding the truth in my household!

Run, Fat Girl, Run

I should have included this on the last update but forgot. Again, it probably falls under the category of “Who else, besides me actually cares?” but it’s my blog and I’ll be tedious if I want to!

Running. Yeah, I’m still not doing very well. Between you and me *leans in* I haven’t even attempted to run for two weeks.

Bad. Bad. Bassy.

I know I will never get better if I don’t Just Do It (aah?) but I haven’t been. I haven’t given up per se, I just haven’t been trying. The thought of running still appeals – it’s something I want to be good at – to me it’s more than just about the health benefits.

I can just see myself running in the middle distance, one of those bottles you can hold in your hand in my hand – cute running gear and a sweaty face. I can visualise this and see myself being good at it.

I think my downfall is that I keep thinking that as soon as I lose weight there’ll be less of me to carry around. I’ll be lighter and therefore more aerodynamic! But this makes no actual sense, you don’t lose weight if you ain’t moving, right?

I do feel better. I know I am getting there. It’s not like I’m not moving at all – all the good I am doing should make running easier eventually. I’m going to just start.

What have I got to lose? Except flab, obviously!

*Please note: Photo is not mine – but damn, I want those sneaks!

Wellness & Wonder

1969397_10153971044655018_1247624656365560236_nI don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before but all the exercise and eating well and singing lessons have been part of a bigger picture for me.

I’m calling it ‘Project Me’ but I’ll work on the name,obviously, as part of the whole wellness thing.It’s pretty lame, I know.

Project Me is about making myself better in small ways.

The diet and exercise is a no-brainer: I’m looking to, if not become Miranda Kerr by the Summer then at least be a more toned, confident version of who I am already.

I’m truly not that interested in being smaller, although it would be nice. I’m just looking to whittle my waist back in and not feel like a stranger is walking too close to me only to realise it’s my own bottom behind me. True story.

I like the idea of being a fit fatty (saw it on somebody’s Twitter bio) but this will only work if I can ensure I’m healthy and right now – newsflash! – I’m not as healthy as I could be.Don’t get me wrong I don’t have any health issues, I’m just thinking of the evil BMI, etc (I know it’s a guideline).1610070_10153971065235018_654938086982862426_n

The running has been a huge part of the project, and it hasn’t being going that well. The thing is, I know I get better the more I do it, but I don’t do it as much as I can. And although I have been public about my desire to be a runner, and I want to succeed, I’m still not pushing myself enough.

But this is not just about the physical. I’m working on my inner strengths and mental health too. Hence the singing lessons.

I’m still terrible and although I’m getting more confident as we go along, I still suck. I love it though and my teacher is great.People keep asking me if I’m planning on performing. Erm, no never.

It’s not about anything like that for me, it’s just about doing something I’ve always wanted to.

So, Project Me is about treating my body like a temple (you take cake into temples sometimes, right?), moving as much as possible and trying to enjoy it; and being more positive.

It’s a work in progress.

 

 

 

Running, Man

vintageRunning2Running has been a mixed bag. I am now coming to terms with the fact that I am not naturally shooting about like a pocket rocket with the wind in my hair, and that every single step has been challenging. More so, that I haven’t fallen in love with it right away.

I am starting very slowly and could probably afford to push myself a little more, if I’m completely honest.

But I’m doing it. I’m doing it regularly and I’m getting a tiny bit better every time.

I am also learning how important stretching is and have been taking Cod Liver Oil tablets because my legs hurt so much when I run. Who even am I?

On the plus side, I am goofily proud of my attempts even if I am currently hopeless. And when I don’t run, I walk. I walk like a bitch and am racking up all those burnt calories.

I have also lost a not too sniffy six pounds in two weeks. I know I wasn’t and am going to try not to measure my achievements in the numbers dropping off, but it’s hard not to. I’m losing weight, feeling better and my legs are toning up. It’s also been great for my relationship, all good right?

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My only minor niggle, which goes against what I just typed slightly: my husband is so much better at this than me. He can actually run and even though my sensible self knows I’m achieving things at my own pace, and is also proud that he is making changes he can be proud of, I have to fight against feeling deflated by it.

That’s so me though. I’m the exact opposite of competitive, I’d far rather give up and sit down than compete with anyone, even when I know I’m better. Which in this case I really am not.

So, you know, trucking along.

 

I ♥ Sundays (and Other Things)

Welcome to my Sunday Appreciation Series, or SAS!

Though the title would suggest an ode to the Day of Rest (hence the addition of ‘and other things’), this is a series of stuff I am currently digging. I love these types of posts from other bloggers and was inspired by Audrey Kitching‘s 20 Things I Love Saturday series.

And while I do love Sundays and have a minor issue with people who don’t appreciate them for what they are (a day off FFS!), not all these things are appreciated on a Sunday.

You with me? Cool.

And so to a few of my  favouritest things…

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My Mad Fat Diary

This amazing comedy drama ended recently and I am already missing it. Based on the true life diary of writer, Rae Earl, it’s the most accurate coming of age tale I have ever seen. Overweight and troubled Rae gets to grips with making new friends, college, family life, self-esteem and first love to the back drop of the best 90’s soundtrack ever.

Since Rae and I grew up in basically the same era, I feel like this could have been my teen life being broadcast. And although my adolescence wasn’t quite as dramatic, I can certainly identify with Rae’s feelings of inadequacy and perpetual awkwardness.

Rae is played by the incredible Sharon Rooney who makes me feel things I thought I had left behind a long time ago (or rather I wish I had). MMFD has everything going for it, makes me laugh and cry in equal measure and features lovely Fit Finn. What more do you need, eh?

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This Hair (Above)

OMFG. Just look at it! Pretty pastel up dos from the Dolce & Gabbana Spring/Summer 2014 shows. I want them all for myself.

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Jameela Jamil

Not only is Jameela a total fox, she has also impressed me lately, first with her blog (especially this post) and then in this interview she gave to The Guardian about female empowerment and the reaction she got on Twitter for daring to criticise Miley Cyrus.

New hero.

Running

I am the worst runner right now. Terrible. Embarrassing.

Yet, I feel like a flipping GODDESS for doing it anyway. Sometimes I run for 45 seconds, sometimes 30, sometimes even less. My shins hurt. But so fucking what? It’s still my arse running and my flabby bits flapping in the wind.

I think I’m becoming addicted to the buzz I get after I’ve been out, whether it’s been a short run or a long walk. The times they are a change-ing…

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Game of Thrones Season Four

Winter is coming… and the rest! I cannot wait.

A weekend of recapping Season Three has proven that I’m terrible with names and remembering plot lines. But boy do I love this show more than any other show that has ever been before it. Even The Sopranos.

~

So that’s if for my first SAS post.

 

 

 

What I Talk About When I Talk About Running

This isn’t a fitness blog by any stretch but I had to log my first run here, didn’t I? Since I’ve been flapping on about it for a while.IMG_20140403_125343

I went running this evening, starting off by doing half a mile of just walking. Once round the park I thought fuck it, why not just run a bit? So I did.

I can’t even run continually for 45 seconds. I was planning to walk for two minutes, run for one – that’s the method I’ve been ‘studying’.

45 seconds!

That seems pretty poor, I think. However, I haven’t run for at least fifteen years and I am carrying a lot of junk in my trunk (only too apparent when I am running and my arse is bouncing up and down behind me).

I know that sooner or later all the things I have been trying to change will come together to make running easier, or so I have to believe. A couple of my more active friends have assured me that they were exactly the same when they started.

As it is, I have to say that although I currently suck arse as a runner, I wanted to test myself in terms of running in public and whether I would actually be able to do it.

(I know that we all know that nobody cares and nobody bats an eyelid at joggers, but when you don’t feel all that great about yourself, you still think people with point and laugh).

I did it though and nobody cared.

Which is an epic win as far as I’m concerned. YEY ME!

 

 

Walk This Way

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These last few days I haven’t been doing much, except taking myself off on as many walks as possible. I haven’t even start running properly yet and I feel like the walks are making a difference already. Luckily for me, I am surrounded by lovely people who are only too happy to encourage and even join me!

My early morning walks with Mr Bee have been beautiful actually. Although I am annoyingly chatty (to motivate myself) and he likes to be quiet, we haven’t pissed one another off yet and it’s very nice to have half an hour where it is just us.

Life can be only too distracting and quality time is almost always buzzing with outside forces, so to focus can only be a good thing.

So, I’m on Day 3 of The New Me and I can say it is going very well. It might be a bit premature to believe that things have changed that much, but my core already feels stronger and I swear I’m holding myself up straighter.

Watch this space!

 

The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner

WLW-GirlPower_D8FA-gp2_4So, influenced by the babes I work with, I have decided to take up running, as a means to get fit but also to change things up. Mentally, physically and spiritually.

Yeah.

I’ve never really run before, barely even for the bus and my favourite thing to say is: “I’ll never run, unless someone is chasing me”.

I don’t know if my decision to do this is absolutely crazy or not, but I’ve spoken to a few people about it (because I have to talk about things a lot before I actually do them) and it seems that quite a few of my friends are secret runners.

I have always fancied the idea of it myself, and the image of me running into the middle distance with my ponytail flapping, M.I.A coaxing me on is a gorgeous one. I like it.

Perhaps running will become my thing. Perhaps all my worries will melt away once I start.

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Perhaps I will hate every minute of it and want to give up. I don’t want to though, I need an outlet and a place to think.

I need a place to practice my singing.

With that in mind, I’ve been taking care of the most important thing of all; The Running Playlist. Have no fear I shall be sharing more on this series as I continue my running journey.

Are you wondering why I’m not out running yet; choosing to just talk about it for now? I’m waiting for my good pair of trainers to arrive!

Do you run? Do you have any beginners tips for me? I am an open book!