The Girl with the Prison Tattoos

download2I’ve talked about my relationship with tattoos before. Where it began, how I used them to rebel, how I used them to express myself, gain strength and empowerment, accept my body and sometimes just for shits n’ gigs. So what on earth else is left to say?

I thought I would try to tattoo myself recently because honestly, why not? Stick and poke has become super popular, even more so than it was back when I got my first, administered with a needle tied to a piece of bamboo in Thailand.

So, as with many things over the years, I thought I’d give it a go myself. Like singing and stand-up comedy, there’s always something that makes me wonder whether this new thing, whatever it is, could be my thing.

This time it isn’t but it’s still good to try, right? Turns out stick and poke tattoos are hard to master. Who knew?

My first was quite ambitious. I chose a Beyoncé lyric because why wouldn’t you? And then I just went for it.

DISCLAIMER: I should note here that I bought proper tattoo needles and ink and then did a shitload of research on poking your own skin (which meant watching a ton of horrible amateur videos). I made sure my ‘station’ was cleaner than Rory Gilmore’s mind and that, my friends is all I can tell you. 

img_2874You can argue that my first tattoo didn’t turn out that great. The reality is that I got bored and uncomfortable in the position I was hunched in. I used a very thin needle (3s), which made it harder to punch the ink into my skin.

It stung a bit but it wasn’t bad. I was more paranoid about cleanliness. I think I’ll definitely go back for another go, why not? I’ve since been given a bit of advice by a tattooist on needle size (start with 7s) and he thinks this will clean up quite nicely.

Maybe I’ll share the results, who knows? Not so bad for a first attempt though, right? Plus, Queen B always.


img_0698I’ve wanted tattooed cuticles for TIME and that is the main reason I bought the needles.

I love how these have turned out but I suppose it would be very difficult to fuck up what is essentially just a full stop. They took forever but I am so happy with them. It also feels kind of badass rocking my own ink, administered by me.

I’m not sure this is the secret new career for me. Gone are the very brief dreams of me discovering a (deeply) hidden talent and rising through the ranks to become the finest stick and poke tattooist in the land, revered by all, feared by many. Or something.

I’ve been asked by a couple of friends to do some dots on them though.

Which is kind of the same thing.❤

Nightbreed (Film) Review

nightbreed-directors-cutJill and I are big fans of Hellraiser, arguably Clive Barker‘s most recognisable work to date, and so I was pretty stoked to be dipping back into his world with this, a film I’d never seen before. (He also wrote Candyman (1992) which I bloody love with all my heart).

I don’t really want to give too much away in the first paragraph but I found myself scratching my head a few times and I don’t mind telling you I haven’t a scooby about what I’ve just seen. That’s not to say there aren’t moments of pure wonderment.

Barker’s imagination is quite something and one dodgy flick from the 1990’s can’t take that away.

Or can it?

*Spoilers* – although if you ain’t seen this in the 26 long years that have passed since its release, I would say you can’t really be that precious.

Nightbreed (1990)

Director: Clive Barker
Stars: Craig ShefferDavid Cronenberg, Anne Bobby

IMDB Synopsis: A troubled young man is drawn to a mythical place called Midian where a variety of monsters are hiding from humanity.

My Review:

Our hero, poor man’s Angel (even though Buffy/Angel came later) dreams of a place called Midian, where monster dreams come true. Not really, but monsters do try to live there together in their version of sweet harmony.


“I loved you in Buffy. Uh, a TV show from the future…”

He’s a bit distant and messed up, so his girl Lori (Bobby) has him seeing a psychotherapist called Dr Decker (Cronenberg). Dr Decker is pretty much the worst psychotherapist of all time as he convinces Angel, real name Boone (Sheffer) that he’s a serial killer. The kicker? It’s actually Decker doing the killing, and brutally at that! Clever, non?

To drive his plan home, he drugs Boone and persuades him to hand himself in. Things got confused for me quite quickly but if I recall correctly, Boone gets hit by a truck, there’s a hospital scene, we meet our first monster, Narcisse (Hugh Ross) and his face gets torn off. (Narcisse btw harvests dead men’s faces to wear over his own apparently grotesque features). Seems legit.

Boone flees the hospital and heads to Midian which is basically a crappy underground village beneath a cool graveyard. Here he bumps into some monsters that aren’t that happy to see him and one of them bites him. He gets away from them only to run into the fuzz and Decker, who pretends Boone has a gun. You don’t have to ask the pigs twice to draw their weapons and poor Angel is cut down fast in a hail of bullets.


“What do you mean I’m not a patch on Kirsty from Hellraiser?”

So that’s that then. Lori is devvoed but suspicious about the circumstances in which Boone dies, and frankly she has a right to be, especially since Boone’s become the walking dead. She travels to Midian herself to work shit out (though at this point she doesn’t know Boone has resurrected).

She meets the best character at a bar on the way and her new friend agrees to accompany her to Midian the next day. When they get there they split up (always a good idea). Lori goes skipping through the catacombs, while her friend gets brutally murdered – nooooooooooooo! Seems Decker is tracking Lori and he thinks she’ll make pretty good Boone bait (seems he’s figured out that Boone isn’t dead).

Decker wears a ‘Kid from The Orphanage/Trick ‘R’ Treat‘ style sack cloth mask and I dig the aesthetic frankly. He’s also rather stab happy. Lori, meanwhile, finds a very odd looking creature that turns into a ginger kid and meets a bunch of monsters.


Zip it, Button Eyes

You get the impression that the brain storming (thought cluster?) sessions for the monsters must have been fun, though as we get to the end, we meet Hand Chin and I’m not sure how much work went into him.

Lori meets Boone again, much to her delight; Decker runs rampage, there’s a lot of monster politics, I got lost, we meet a priest. There is a story in here about a prophecy (Boone saving the day) and then a battle between good (Midian and the monsters) and evil (?) (the priest, the babylon). It’s very confusing and a shambles, sorry. The monsters are cool though.

In the final fight, led by Boone, there are lots of casualties and imaginative deaths. There’s a happy ending of sorts and one of the most manipulative scenes in cinematic history, in which Lori tries to kill herself so Boone has no choice but to ‘turn her’ immortal, so they can live happily together forever.

I’d have refused on principle.


Tribal is so done

My Thoughts:

Confusing (maybe it’s me), not very linear and boring in places, this has some great creatures and a nice philosophy about peace loving monsters driven out of society by non-humans (fucking non-humans). It’s a tale as old as time and it does try. It’s nowhere near as strong as Hellraiser, but I had a soft spot for Decker, whose motivation I can’t even be arsed to work out. And the porcupine lady.

I’m being kind here but I should add that I had to read Wikipedia to fill in the blanks on all the bits I lost track of, which was most of it. Call it my heart not being in it, but it just made me want to go and visit Pinhead and Julia again.

My Rating: 2/5. Messy. Points given for the gory deaths.


This year’s Christmas card was going to be well edgy

What did Wifey think ? Was she willing to live in sweet harmony with the monsters or would she prefer to take a carving knife to the whole thing? Find out here.

Express Yourself


Click on image to see more of european.son.420’s work

Bit of a cheat post today.

You might have noticed that I failed to post yesterday and am making up for it today with a 2 for the price of 1 deal. I guess is doesn’t matter as long as there are 31 published posts by the end of October, roughly one a day, right?


This barely counts as a post but I thought I’d share. I got this tattoo this afternoon by an artist I’ve been admiring for a while on Instagram. He was very lovely and I’m in love with it.

I got another but I’ll share that for Halloween as it’s fitting.

I think I’ll also take some time in the last week of Blogtober 2016 to talk about my relationship with tattoos. Consider me inspired by my old mucker Meghan Lightle. It’s a topic I find endlessly interesting. Maybe you guys will too.

Happy Sunday all, hope it’s been a wild one (or, like mine, not)❤




I don’t know who’s artwork this is, but I love it

I saw this video yesterday, posted as part of #mentalhealthawarenessweek and like most women would on viewing it, felt very emotional.

Why is it, still, that we’re so quick to trash talk ourselves, yet would never dream of doing the same to our friends or other women? (Hopefully).

Why is it, after all this time, after all the girl power mantras, the compliment-heavy chats in toilets with drunken girls on drunken nights and all the pushing back against the impossible (and ever changing) beauty ideal, we still can’t cut ourselves some fucking slack?

It’s a simple view but I like the idea of trying to speak to myself as I would my beautiful best friends. Of seeing myself every now and again and saying “You’re beautiful girl, look at you!”.

I don’t feel pretty all the time, in fact I’m tired of the negative voice that says I’m worthless, old and lumpy, that I’m a monster who doesn’t even look human compared to anybody else.

The same voice tells me my husband is only with me for a bet (a long bet), and that people feel sick when they look at me.

Every day is a battle to get on top of that point of view and to quash it. To remind myself that it’s just one voice, that there’s a stronger voice in there somewhere, it just doesn’t shout as loud.

I’m willing to keep fighting to be honest. What other choice do I have? I’m not going down with that hateful ship, no way.

How do you practice #radicalselflove?❤

Hands Off My Pussy


Take that you pig!

There’s been a lot of public pussy talk over the last few weeks and I’m here to tell you that there’s only one Pussy I’m interested in, apart from my own, and his name is Pudding. (See also: Bertha Mason).

I’m not saying the cretin’s name because I’m trying not to invoke him. I wouldn’t put it past that dinosaur to be in possession of prehistorical (and supernatural) powers that allow him to manifest himself beside his haters, ripe for grabbing (us, not him obvi).

Can we make a deal here that grabbing of any sort, of the pussy, of an arm, of the brain is prohibited? I’m tired of fearing men, of having to look directly ahead and pretending to be deaf just to get home in one piece – and monsters like Flump, openly encouraging men to just kiss the women they like the look of, or grab them by the vulva is just setting everything back decades. It’s positively archaic.

Let’s also agree that, if you don’t have a vagina, you do not get to have an opinion? The (cis) men on Twitter who are so adamant a woman can’t physically be grabbed by their vagina in the first place need to stay in their lanes. Tell that to the women who know only too well that it is possible. It is sexual assault, nothing less.

Everything Flump says and does is disgusting, don’t get me wrong. His racist, homophobic and misogynistic comments are something else and I can’t quite get to grips with the concept of such an openly hateful person but he exists. He’s a joke but what he says is no longer “What’s the old fuck said now?” bemusing, it’s poison. I’m terrified for the future of the US and the world if he continues.

While we’re here, a little aside to the numb nut who can’t tell the difference between a womb and a bladder. Back to Basic Female Anatomy 101 with you, you dufus. Women can’t simply cross their legs to keep their periods from coming. Stop talking please.

God, I am so tired.❤

Ta Ta For Now, Emily Gilmore


Bottoms Up, Bitches

I watched the last episode of Gilmore Girls last night and it went exactly as you’d expect. Me sobbing into my tea while my husband mocked me. But I’m not sorry at all to have formed such an attachment to some of the show’s key characters.


An attachment to Emily and Richard, to Lane Kim and Paris Geller. To Miss Patty and Babette. I’m into Lorelai perhaps because I identify with that need to wisecrack at all times, though mine is bourne of awkwardness.

Even “Is he/Isn’t he hot?” Luke Danes, the schmuck who just wants Lorelai to be happy and in the end, was she?

Let’s just say I was satisfied with who said and did what, who didn’t end up together, the choices these people made.

I agree with what my friend Meghan says here, Lane deserved better but in the end, she was happy and rebelling in her own sweet way, so I’m not even that mad. I’m kind of pissed that Sookie got knocked up again because Jackson lied about his vasectomy, I’d have cut off his junk and fed it to Paul Anka.

I was sad to see Logan go (though was Boring Rory ever going to make any other choice than the one she did?) and ecstatic for Paris, my second favourite character in the whole outfit. She’s so difficult and relentless but she’s loved and loves back. It’s a beautiful thing.


Don’t be fooled, she’s a monster. And she’s fabulous!

Sadly, Taylor wasn’t hung out in the square to be pecked to death by crows, as he would have been if I’d written GG. Kirk‘s final big stunt, the Blaine-esque art installation killed me. All in all, I’m happy.

I am also bereft because now what do I do with my time and energy? Is there another show that will warm my cockles in the same way? Freaks & Geeks has just made its way onto Netflix and that could do in a pinch, but it’s only 18 episodes.

But you know what, don’t worry about me. I’ll find something else to bring me the comfort Gilmore Girls has. To make me shout at the screen in fury, cry when one of the pricklier characters gives an uncharacteristic speech to their daughter. To invest so much in another will they/won’t they/why the fuck is she doing that? I’ll let you know when I find it.

Of course there is a silver lining and that’s the prospect of four brand new Gilmore episodes coming in November. On my birthday, no less. I know darling Richard won’t be there (RIP Edward Herrmann) but I cannot fucking wait to see what became of the rest of them.

My hopes as follows:

  • Lorelai and Luke are still together
  • Emily is still caustic as fuck and possibly even remarried but to an equal, no wet blanket for old Em
  • Maybe even someone without money would be good for her
  • Lane’s dumped the zero (Zack) and got with the heroes (Pussy Riot). Kids are on tour with mama, obvs
  • Rory’s finally become interesting
  • Babette and Miss Patty are now in a romantic relationship with each other
  • Taylor’s been run out of town by the residents of Stars Hollow, I don’t care how or why, just begone you horrible old fool!
  • Lulu‘s ditched Kirk, the ungrateful toad

What shall I watch next then, eh?❤


The Girl on the Train (Film) Review

A mini-film review today, which is my third in a week. I’m not a particularly good reviewer let’s face it but I do enjoy getting my thoughts down, keeping track of what I’ve been watching and ruining plots for the rest of you (kidding).

I also enjoyed this film, which seems to have been getting mixed reviews as far as I can see. I don’t really understand the negativity to be honest but that might be because I entered the theatre with low expectations and a sub-par cinema hotdog, and one of those things was much better than anticipated.

And to top it off, a (cute) guy kicked over my (small) popcorn before the film started and then kindly replaced it with the biggest box you can buy so it was a score all round. 

To my thoughts!

*Will try not to *Spoiler* but just in case*

girl_on_the_trainThe Girl on the Train (2016)

Director: Tate Taylor
Stars: Emily Blunt, Justin Theroux, Rebecca Ferguson, Haley Bennett, Luke Evans

IMDB Synopsis: A divorcee becomes entangled in a missing persons investigation that promises to send shockwaves throughout her life.  

My Thoughts:

Fans of the Paula Hawkins‘ novel on which this film is based should come out feeling satisfied that, at least, the story doesn’t veer too far from the original tracks (!).

Apart from a couple of little details and a relocation from grey old London to the surrounding suburbs of New York City, it’s bang on. I didn’t get this feeling from the trailer and was a little wary that they’d messed with the plot. They haven’t.

As mysteries go, The Girl on the Train is okay. Not the best ever but it’s up there. I think it contains themes that could resonate with a lot of people. It centers around a woman called Rachel, who has lost her husband, her job and her home and is now not holding it together terribly well. As the tale unravels we learn exactly what derailed our titular character and it would be difficult not to sympathise.

Rachel’s ex husband is now living with his new partner and their new baby in Rachel’s old home. The couple live a few doors down from Megan and her husband Scott. Rachel doesn’t know Megan or Scott but she is obsessed with them, forming an attachment to the perfect couple she sees from the window of the train as she passes on the way to work every morning and evening.

Meghan in particular represents everything Rachel used to be and has the perfect life she should of had. Her focus when she passes by is on Meghan and Scott, and determinedly not on her old house.


TFW you totally get on the fast train by mistake

Of course we all people watch and make up our own minds about people, perfect or not, and we can never know really what’s going on behind closed doors. As it goes, there’s a lot Rachel doesn’t know but is about to find out. Thankfully, we’re along for the ride too.

I won’t delve too deep only to say that enigmatic Megan goes missing and Rachel may or may not hold the key to what happened to her, if only she hadn’t been so drunk on the night of her disappearance and could remember. (Been there). Something she saw a few days earlier might also help the investigation, but who’s going to believe a sad drunk?



Emily Blunt is incredible in this role, carrying the film from good to great and I lived for her scenes. Technically we have three female protagonists; Anna, Megan and Rachel and they’re all good but Blunt stands head and shoulders above the others.

These characters, despite appearances to the contrary, share significant similarities, another comment on the veneer of the perfect life and how not everything is always as it seems. I feel like this film is deeply female, subtly twisting perception and sympathy towards a group of women who have been let down and manipulated for too long.

I got very angry and shaken as the tale unfolded even as I knew how it ended. It’s violent and angry without being unnecessarily graphic and it made me feel queasy at times. Blunt choked me up a good few times ~ there’s a scene where she’s drunkenly ranting in a public bathroom that got me like 💔 and made me personally reflect on my own past experiences.


“Not without my baby!” (Wrong film, love)

I really liked it.

I don’t know if I preferred the film to the book. Perhaps. I think Blunt played Rachel well but I can’t say she was how I pictured her. I don’t think I had a template for any of the characters in my head. Rachel is supposed to be a steaming hot mess because of her drinking and Blunt certainly does drunk well but she’s still gorgeous, flushed face, chapped lips and all. But I guess it’s more about how this character sees herself. In which case, she couldn’t have been better. It contrasts so well with Anna’s Stepford blonde and pastel aesthetic.

Leaving it here now but yes, colour me impressed. And a little more over men than usual.

Have you seen it, what did you think?❤