Monday 11th August 2014
Weight: doesn’t matter. Have decided that worth is not tied to numbers on scale. Fat test is now whether or not I can tie own shoelaces. At the moment can, so v. good. Cigarettes smoked: nil. Haven’t smoked since 1994. Tell people I am allergic to Nicotine but it is because I don’t know how to inhale properly.
Monday. This is not good. Mental boss being particularly mental and clueless as usual. Only ray of light poking into my day is work (and IRL) friend B. Decide the only way to distract myself from shouting at someone is to eat my feelings and sent 37 bitchy emails entitled ‘WTF’. This helps.
18.15 pm Get home and remember I finished my book last night. Hence bags under eyes and less than regulation 8 hours sleep. Hence bad mood. Realise I have Bridget Jones 3: Mad About The Boy on the ‘to read’ pile so feel a bit happier. Hmm, but also have I Capture The Castle which is a classic and will make me look cleverer on the bus.
Realise never take bus and anyway, need a dose of Bridge as she is v. funny. Decide overusing Fielding‘s ‘v.good’ signature phrase makes me look lazy so vow to leave this alone for rest of review.
20.38 pm Must start book but have recently discovered Nurse Jackie on Netflix. Netflix was invented by the devil, wasn’t it?
21.41 pm Laugh out loud for solid minute at Gwyneth Goop pisstaking. Brilliant brilliant brilliant.
Tuesday 12 August 2014
Weight: look I told you, none of your beeswax. Punnets of cherries consumed: 2. Number of times strained eyebrow muscles by rolling eyes too vigorously over the desk divider at B: 12. Number of times considered flipping desk violently and telling Stupid Boss to stick her job: 3.
08.09 am Husband leaves while I am brushing my teeth. Says he will be at the Barbara when I get in having his beard groomed (barber). Makes Night of the Living Dead reference as front door slams. Married right guy.
09.00 am Get to work and talk about Robin Williams who has passed away. Facebook is awash with tribute posts about the man most of us grew up with. Feel sad. Vow to watch Patch Adams this weekend.
09.14 am Boss already cursing behind computer screen. I decide best course of action is to zone out and not give her attention. Think about Mad About The Boy and how touching it is. Imagine what my life would be like if I were in a similar sitch. Decide, like Bridge, not to dwell.
09.15 am Remember line about Gwynnie and chuckle to myself for another minute.
09.24 am Is it home time yet?
09.25 am Have eaten all morning snack supplies already. Will be hula hooping this evening for three hours at this rate.
10.46 am Irrationally angry. Rant over email to B for five minute. Feel better.
11.50 am Can someone pay me to blog inanely with no real focus from home in my pants please?
11.59 am Tweet stuff about Boss then get paranoid. Leaving trail of outrage across social media not very profesh. Decide don’t care. Think about Bridge’s foray into social networking and it cheers me up. Can’t wait to get back home and read my evening away. Vow not to turn on TV at all when get home from work.
20.06 pm Get annoyed with Mr Bee as he wants to watch a Zombie/Vampire hybrid tv show called Strain. Get annoyed about the name of show as it puts me in mind of something disgusting. Agree but tell Mr Bee must be in bed by 9.30 as Bridget is waiting for me.
21.22pm Get to bed with eight minutes to spare. Pre-empt seduction by mentioning tiredness and reading.
21.38pm Am crying. Hard. Mascara did not remove before bed falls into eyes. Bridget grieving is a very powerful thing. Ah, but have also caught up with Daniel Cleaver. Not all doom and gloom.
Wednesday 13th August 2014
Weight: pffffffffffffffffffffffffft. Number of bums shouting “Fuck!” repeatedly outside window at 4.30am this morning: 2. Number of times consider bucket of cold water out of window onto street below: 3 (twice for bums, once for flock of seagulls – not the eighties band).
10.25 am Let’s not talk about work again, shall we?
Friday 15th August 2014
Weight: 700lb due to Shark Week. No it doesn’t matter but yes, I feel shitty. Eating to comfort. Number of celebrity impressions pulled off by Mr Bee this morning to hilarious effect: 2. Number of these impressions I would like him to introduce into the boudoir: 1. (Peter Serafinowicz). Number of time considered pulling sickie from work: 8, 321. Number of times remembered have work drinks after and changed mind: 8, 321. Number of vodkas have vowed to consume after 5.30 pm: 2 (singles). Number of vodkas actually consumed after 5.30 pm: 15 (doubles) (feels like).
13.26 pm Work has been tremendous bitch this week. Not the only thing. No longer annoyed at anyone in particular now, just remembering Dory’s motto in Finding Nemo: Keep on Swimming. It’s all we can do.
13.29 pm Good news is that Mad About The Boy is amazing. As suspected. Bad news flip side to that is that I am almost finished and will probably then have to pick up more serious book. World Bridge inhabits is a hilarious one and she is a heroine that most would be able to identify with. This is the reason she has sold so many books and been so popular worldwide.
I wonder if there will be another book? I mean it makes sense to end with a perfect hat trick but like with Adrian Mole, I would never get bored. Bridge in her sixties and eighties would be a hoot.
Don’t want to spoil themes in book for those who haven’t read yet, but I particularly love Bridge’s self doubt as a mother (understand from Step mother perspective although not obviously real mum). I love her attitude to (and subsequent confusion toward) fashion and skinny jeans. Love the idea that even at 51 I may be worrying about whether I am still fanciable. Hopefully will still be bit fanciable.
13.38 pm Mad About The Boy will not change world or face of literature as we know it, but is very fun and entertaining. Have worked out where end of book is going I think. But I like it if it happens this way.
13.40 pm Have massive crush on The Boy, also.
Saturday 16th August 2014
Me: 1, Hangover: 0. Managed to wake up with not even a glimmer of headache. Win. Types of bad foods consumed before 10.30 am: 3 (1 packet Tangy Cheese Doritos, 2 miniature bars of Aldi milk chocolate, one (four) handful(s) Jelly Tots). Number of minutes spend hula hooping to work off snacks: 30. Number of calories burned: 252. Number of texts received before 12.00 am: 12. Number of men I am now ‘dragging up’ tomorrow for an art ‘project’: 2.
12.06 pm Have so far managed to exercise, drink two cups of tea, finish Season 4 of Nurse Jackie and watch the first episode of Bates Motel. Is suitably creepy and love getting a back story for the character of Norman Bates, even if reimagined. Ps. Norma Bates’ wardrobe = to die for!
12.10 pm Heading back to bed as have just a few chapters left of Bridge. Want to cherish them. Have to go out later and buy mascara for some boys I know. Long story.
14.35 pm Finished Bridge. Ended exactly as knew it would. Reassuringly predictable and comforting, like blanket and hot chocolate. Happy for her and all characters concerned. All in all Bridget Jones is still an intelligent, funny and equally flakey character and is honest, charming and loving. I would be friends with her, though I feel as though actually already am.
14.39 pm Book really v.good.
14.41 pm (Sorry)
- Bridget Jones: Mad About The Boy
- Publisher: Vintage (19 Jun 2014)
- ISBN-10: 0099584433
- ISBN-13: 978-0099584438
- Bought paperback (new)