Before the madness of Blogging 201 kicks off on Monday (yes, I’ve decided to keep going), I thought I’d record a few thoughts as they lie right now.
More a record for my own sake than anything else, I just think sometimes putting things out there makes me accountable for them, and for any changes I wish to make. We’ll see about that of course, I thought talking about running would make me do it all the time and I’m still working up to that.
Anyway, the first thing I want to say is that I’m not that big on self-help books and all that jazz.
I believe in self help, am all for loving yourself and doing whatever it takes to make yourself happy. I’m respectful of other people turning to books, videos and anything to get what they need, but you won’t find me in the Self Help aisle rummaging for answers. Maybe I’m missing out.
But once upon a time I did read The Secret and it changed something. I’ve talked about it before elsewhere but the gist is that I was at the end of a bad scene, feeling hopeless and I picked up the book my best friend had left lying about after a visit.
It just made sense. Put out positive vibes, ask the Universe for the things you want and get them. Sure, it’s unlikely Tom Hardy will be knocking on my door before the weekend is out just because I want him to, but it’s an attitude I can get behind. Think about what you want and envisage yourself getting and keeping it. PMA all day, every day.
After I’d read it, I wrote a list that looked a little something like this:
- Get out of this relationship
- Get a new job
Underneath the two main wishes I detailed what I wanted in a new man (call me shallow):
- Green eyes
- Reads Comics
I didn’t dare write any more than that but I hid that list and thought of it often. Perhaps the Perfect Boy list was subconscious since I already knew my husband then, though we hadn’t spoken in years and I couldn’t have imagined we’d end up together. (You guessed it, Mr B ticks all those boxes).
Maybe just admitting you want more is enough to ensure you make moves to get it. Or maybe it’s magic. Whatever it is, it works. It worked then and it can work now.
I did get out of that relationship, less than a month later and then I scored my dream job at a dating agency. So I believe in The Secret and I’ll tell anyone. Sorry, not sorry.
Today I think it’s time to go back to basics. I’m getting to the point of being done at work for many reasons and it’s making me feel sick. Things need to change and whether that’s me moving on or something more drastic, I have to think about it. I’m not comfortable with the way things are and I need to fix it.
I know I’m worth more and right now I’m working in an environment that makes me feel insecure, paranoid and frankly undervalued in every way.
Time for a Positive Thinking Spell, I think.
I might update on this topic every so often, you know just to check in. Hopefully the next instalment will be a more positive one, rather than “I screamed, threw something and was escorted from the building by the caretaker”.