Imagine if all women were talked about the way Jennifer Aniston was on her wedding day:
“Today – on the day nobody thought would ever arrive – someone has finally put Christa out of her misery. After what seems like a lifetime of disappointment, our unlucky-in-love redhead shows *insert name of most significant ex here* just what he’s missing.
Dressed in ivory (lol), our poster girl for the broken-hearted looked a million miles away from the broken husk she was over a decade ago when she was unceremoniously dumped for a much sexier model (who also cares about like, the world, yo).
Who believed after all this time, after all her failures as a woman to hold onto her man/subsequent men, she would end up here? Finally whole as a human being.
We wish Christa every happiness in the future and hope, since this is her second rodeo, she has learnt from previous mistakes and won’t
fuck this up let this one get away. After all, it has taken her literally years to get this guy to commit, pouring all her energies into tying him down and not doing anything else of note. She wants to hope she gets pregnant asap, that’s even harder to go back on than a marriage contract, right?
Congratulations, Christa! You’re finally here. Somebody currently loves you and that makes you real! Enjoy every minute (we’re pretty sure you’ve got five years in you, max) – and for God’s sake don’t get (any) fat(ter) or start looking your age…”