The Foxy Merkins (Film) Review

Jillian’s pick this week and the next thrilling instalment in our Big Fat Gay Blog Collaboration 2015.

If I’m honest I don’t reallyposter1 want to go back to hetero programming if I can help it. I don’t want to see James Marsden kissing girls ever again, if it can be Margaret instead (read on) or, indeed any of the main protagonists of the last few weeks.

Incidentally, Jill chose this film after reviewing Madeleine Olnek’s 2011 Codependent Lesbian Space Alien Seeks Same (read her thoughts on it here).

I didn’t really know what to expect, though from the above review, I knew that all bets were off , and that the best thing to do would be just to sit down and enjoy the ride.

*Spoilers*

The Foxy Merkins (2013)

Director: Madeleine Olnek
Stars: Lisa Haas, Jackie Monahan, Alex Karpovsky, Susan Ziegler

IMDB Synopsis: Two lesbian hookers wind their way through a world of bargain-hunting housewives and double-dealing conservative women in this buddy comedy, an homage to and riff on iconic male hustler films.

My Review: 

Margaret isn’t doing great. Down on her luck, homeless and not exactly setting the world on fire, she’s just about making ends meet by selling sex to women. We open with a couple of frankly hilarious sexual anecdotes starring our protagonist which quickly made me realise I was in for an absolute treat.

Rebels
Rebels

One evening, after swapping sex for a Talbots gift card, Margaret bumps into Jo on the door of an all night cafe and they become instant friends, wandering the city together and sometimes sleeping on the bathroom floor of the Port Authority.

Jo decides that Margaret needs some sort of guidance in the hooking stakes, not a pimp type situation, more of an advocate to fight her corner. She imparts her lofty experience on Margaret and they find themselves in several sexual scenarios that frankly will have you chuckling like your life depends on it (if you like bad sex stories, which I BLOODY DO).

The-Foxy-Merkins1
“Do you have one that looks like the heart eyes emoji?”

Along the way, the two BFFs decide to go and find Margaret’s mum but don’t get that far. They do wind up in a graveyard checking that none of the headstones belong to her though. Here they meet Ray Ploshansky from Girls or “The Mumbling Erotic Accessory Salesman” who tries to sell them merkins. It is here that the single most perfect line of the film is uttered and I’m torn about whether I should share it.

(Course I fucking will).

When Ray asks the girls what size merkin they’re looking for, Margaret mumbles that she has a plussize vagina. Loooolllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.

foxy-merkins-2
“I thought you said this was Jurassic World?”

I don’t want to spoil anyone’s enjoyment of this movie by giving all the little gems away, but let’s just say, under Jo’s tutelage, Margaret enjoys an unconventional cinema date, shares a bizarre evening with two homophobic lesbians (Accounts Payable/Accounts Receivable) and meets a very kinky Republican.

The latter is the source of some of the movie’s best scenes, though they grow increasingly uncomfortable as they play out. Kinky Republican Lady, you see, is into having her date busted by the cops, preferably naked (yeah, who isn’t, right?).

“I sometimes also like to pretend to be a squirrel, is that cool?”

It takes a nasty incident involving the shooting of Ms. Republican’s maid for Margaret to work out that these scenarios are a set up and that Jo may have been in on it from the get go. Which Margaret ain’t happy about, given that she thought it was all real. This causes a few ripples between the ladies which don’t last long, though there may be a bigger fish to fry coming up on the horizon.

I might park this review here because there isn’t much more to say without giving the ending away. The girls travel further on their road trip and things change. But, could there be a happy ending for both women?

Oh sorry, did I forget to announce the Questions section? 

Will Margaret get the girl? And if so, which girl? Will she ever move out of the Port Authority? What’s the big deal with Talbots, is it the American version of Debenhams?

Should I give it all up and become a lesbian hooker? Especially if it means cinema in the day time. All these questions and more will be answered.

“At least I’m wearing my best socks, I guess.”

My Thoughts:

My first thought as the credits rolled was: The fuck did I just watch?! That feeling hasn’t faded but I know I enjoyed every minute.

Marry me, Margaret
Marry me, Margaret

Lisa Haas is a real diamond and I’d like to see her exercise her acting chops in other movies. Her gentle, mumbling turn in this lends her a special vulnerability and that makes you root for her. I’m all about the Underdog and Margaret is the adorable poster-girl.

Jo, in contrast, has a hardness that would no doubt serve her well on the streets. They make a good pair. Jackie Monahan reminds me of Connie Britton in some lights and that can only be a good thing.

There’s not much more to say other than this is a gloriously bizarre, touching-in-places, hilaire-in-others buddy movie. With a happy ending? (Watch it and see).

I’d like to see more from Olnek, much more from Haas, and I’m not even kidding, maybe I need me one of those merkins too, because why not shake things up a bit, eh?

My Rating: 4/5 – definitely recommend!

What did Gillian think? Well wonder no more right here.

13 thoughts on “The Foxy Merkins (Film) Review

  1. Girl, I think you would LOVE Codependent Lesbian Space Alien. I’m dismayed it doesn’t seem to be on Netflix any longer.
    I didn’t want to ruin it (sorry, internet world), but I HAVE to bring up Margaret’s brother calling her asthma “lung herpes.” I absolutely lost it at that.
    Also when the police kept telling Margaret to drop whatever she was holding even when she wasn’t holding anything. And when one of Margaret’s clients wants to have sex on the floor even though Margaret is allergic to lemon Pledge. Basically every moment. There absolutely need to be at least 1,000 more films with Lisa Haas.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahha I know. The Lemon Pledge was hysterical! I was also a big fan of creepy Winnifred. And those Accounts Payable/Receivable ladies! WTAF! The whole film is just fabulous. I love Lisa Haas and I want to see her in everything from now on, leading literally every film. Every good film. Thanks for this pick, it rounded up a bit of a low weekend for me, and made me chuckle like a kid. A kid who gets of on awkward sex scenes xoxo

      Like

    2. Is it weird that I was weirded out by the maid getting shot? I think it was a social comentary (lite) so I get it but it was a bit close to the bone for me. It sort of turned my stomach a bit. What can I say? I’m a sensitive bunny xoxo

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    1. I didn’t even mention the maid getting shot because it was so disturbing to me! Even though it turned out to be fake, it was all kinds of fucked up.
      I keep wanting to watch Pariah b/c I’m sure it would be amazing, but I think it would be really hard to watch. LGBT comedies are so much more fun to watch as they don’t necessarily thoroughly enrage me.

      Like

      1. Is Pariah on Netflix? I haven’t seen it there but it sounds pretty good. It might make me mad too though, I like the idea of keeping it fun for a bit. I feel like maybe we need something about boys this week. I’ll have a look tonight. I am so into our film lately, Sundays are my fave!

        Glad you agree on the maid thing, I almost had to stop watching but then I got that it was meant to make me feel that way. Poor Margaret! In fact, the whole ‘getting caught naked’ thing made me so uncomfortable, even though it was funny. Can you even imagine? xoxo

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  2. Yes, Pariah is on Netflix! I only know this b/c Netflix pointed this out to me a few days ago, which was quite considerate, actually.
    And YES, all of the scenes where Margaret got busted by the cops cracked me up but also made me cringe so hard.
    Can’t wait for our next film!!!

    Like

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