Tuesday and Wednesday 

I was so sick last night I spend the whole day in bed and I got no writing done. So here’s Tuesday and Wednesday together.

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Same morning routine but this time I catch a ride with my husband to work. On the way we see the IT guy on his bike. I admire his beard as always which looks like that of a viking. I do this without making a big deal to Glynn. I’d give anything for him to have his big unruly beard back but apparently he has concerns about looking groomed for work. Boring.

I feel a little sheepish after my breakdown in the office yesterday but I needn’t. It’s business as usual. The morning is fun, we all have a proper laugh and I receive my Barb necklace from Black Heart Creatives. It’s perfect.

At lunch (baked potato again) I type up my Monday entry. I really enjoy doing it, despite feel slightly uneasy about being so honest and mentioning work. But, my friends, I am an open book and I don’t want to change that. For all my faults I like who I am and feel relieved I’m not numb and unfeeling, something I have been in the past. Emotion is nothing to be scared of.

Still not feeling great and knowing I have lots of films to watch before the weekend, I make it clear to Glynn I won’t be going to the gym after work. After a successful, yet unremarkable working day I return home and put on a Persian film called Under the Shadow. I have to watch it on my laptop, perched on my knee as the TV won’t connect the subtitles. It’s a ghost story set under the threat of bombing during the Iraqi war and is genuinely creepy. In slower bits I do a bit of social media for our podcast which is silly as then I lose track of what everyone’s saying. I get into a conversation about the film with a friend on Facebook. Glynn returns during a particularly jumpy bit. I put the dinner on.

We catch up on our days while the food cooks (Chicken and chorizo potato pies, veg in white wine sauce). His has been as uninspiring but pleasant as mine. Over dinner we settle down in front of my second film of the night, End of Watch. It’s very tense and a couple of scenes make me want to blow actual chunks, they’re so violent. As I watch the film, James messages to say he’s uploaded this week’s episode to Soundcloud. I make some edits ready to publish it tomorrow afternoon.

We finish the film. Glynn has enjoyed it as much as I have. I can see the ending coming a mile off as it’s been manipulating my feelings towards the main characters from the get go but I still cry. Both the films I’ve watched today have been podcast homework. I look forward to discussing them with James at our next recording.

We go to bed around 10pm. I read my Twitter feed for too long as usual. I open the window even though it’s cold outside because I just love to feel the breeze on my naked butt at night. I fall asleep with Glynn’s hand on the very same butt. Bliss.

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I wake up with a headache and I already know this is a bad sign. I get migraines when I’m feeling stressed but am hopeful this one won’t go any further. In defiance I put extra make up on. I’m sick before I leave the house though. On the walk to work I take a kick ass selfie and try to get the Barb necklace in. Black Heart Creatives have already shared a picture of their work on Instagram.

I feel like crud but remain hopeful that the fresh air will clear my head. I get to work in a fair mood. We’re introduced to a new staff member and I tell him he has nice hair and smells nice. He looks perplexed. I’m here to embarrass myself so others don’t have to. Tatty says he looks like he should be in Lord of the Rings.

I’m sick a couple more times and have to leave work in the end. My head is pounding and I can’t stop blowing chunks. I leave the office at 10.45am. I feel guilty but couldn’t stay in that state, my eyes can barely focus. I’m not sure if this is a migraine or a bug. I walk straight home, shed my clothing and crawl into bed. The bedroom is cool and I’m so happy for it. I sleep until 2.30, texting Glynn before I fall asleep.

I wake at about half two and feel I should eat something. I make a cup of tea, have two packets of crisps and a handful of Digestives. I’m not sorry, I need this. I watch 40 minutes of Tale of Tales on my laptop in bed but it hurts my eyes so I fall asleep again. I wake around five when Glynn gets back in. He makes me another cup of tea and I finish the film. It’s wonderful.

**TW: Weight loss**

I have a dilemma here and in life. I’ve decided to join a slimmers group and tonight’s the night to register. I don’t like diet talk, agree it can be harmful and am against the way fat people are treated in society. However, some fat people want to make changes and I’m one of them right now. So I’m doing that. I don’t feel any better for the sleep but don’t want to miss registration so I decide to go to the class at 7pm. I figure the fresh air on the way up the road will help. It does somehow.

The group is massive and I feel like a tit but the ‘leader’ is lovely. Another woman called Irene starts and she’s so happy there’s another newbie there that I stay to class, even though I feel awful and wanted to go home. It drags on until nearly 9, two women cry, Irene is funny. I feel okay about this decision. I won’t talk about weight loss again, nobody cares.

I get home, we order a takeaway (good start, eh) and watch an episode of Luke Cage and then an episode of Westworld. I’m quite bored by Westworld and marvel at how bad Evan Rachel Wood is, so go to brush my teeth as the episode winds down. Everything happens in those last ten minutes. Glynn fills me in on the action.

We go to bed at 11pm, late for us. I’ve slept enough though. I lie awake for a while trying to sleep. It comes eventually but not easily. ❤

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