New work is good although I’ve got an awful lot to learn about the print business, that’s for sure!
Everybody else has years of experience on me and all I have right now is a willingness to pick it up. Which is better than nothing, no doubt – and they knew it when they hired me. I’m not worried, it’s just the usual first week nerves and self-doubt sneaking in. (My old friends).
Ex-colleagues who’ve been through the grinder in my last work place understand the “Rocket effect”. How it knocks you down and fucks with your self-worth, making you feel like you have nothing to offer the outside world. It takes time to shake that.
I still worry about whether people will like me. But that’s human nature I guess, and I’m trying this time not to freak out. In the end I can only be myself and I am enough.
I must say it’s really nice to be in a new environment where everyone knows their stuff, and I can’t wait to follow suit. The smell of ink, the sound of the presses whirring – it’s all so new and interesting. Being able to see jobs through from beginning to end, well that feels like achieving something, you know?
So I’m a week in and I’m looking forward to the next, which will no doubt be busy, terrifying in places, educational and very satisfying. This is exactly why I needed a career change and I have to remind myself of this when I feel stupid for not knowing something. It’s brand new and it’s brave to make change – that’s why it’ll pay off in the end, because I want it to.