A life update today, and a break from all the horror of Halloween, like you need one because it is the best. But in case you do, here’s the horror of my real life instead. LOL.
It seems a lifetime ago but only really four weeks that I was fretting every day about having to go into Horrible Work. Every evening was stressful because I knew in a matter of a few short hours, I’d be back at my desk again. Every weekend was hard because I knew they would end and Monday would soon loom over me. And every morning was the worst because I had to face the terrible mistake I’d made in leaving my familiar comfy job of six years to ‘try something new’ – and that something new couldn’t have sucked harder.
Some mornings now I see one of my old colleagues driving past and it jogs my memory back for a second. And then I shake it off because these people have no power over me anymore. 98% of my colleagues there were a joy anyway but it’s amazing what the 2% can do to your mental well being. So eff them, truly.
Now I’m much happier and things have changed so much. I’m feeling creative again, enjoying social dates and my job is fun. Sure, it is still a job and one I’ve done a lot in my working history but I’m learning something new and I enjoy it at the moment. The people are great and young and fun – and I feel like a different person.
My anxiety still kicks my arse every now and again but I’m working it out and that’s a great achievement. I’m proud of the changes I’ve made – even in my darkest hour I managed to brush my hair, put on my business bitch best and nail an interview, even when my head was banging and my stomach was twisting. Lucky me to be able to do that, eh? Some days is seems impossible to leave the flat and I know I’m not alone in this.
My Coping with Worry classes are about to come to an end and I’ll go into more detail about those when they’re done. I think I’ve found them helpful, though the last session was slightly more awkward because only four people came back and it’s so quiet in the room, I overcompensate with an annoying nervous laugh and that makes me feel even more anxious. Dammit.
Life is okay at the moment is the theme of this post. A million times better than a month ago anyway and although I need to stop shopping, stop eating out so much (£££) and start looking at my future more seriously as I enter Level 40 – I know I’m incredibly privileged, able-bodied and working so I never want to be ungrateful for what I have.