Flaking Out

Is there anything better than the last minute text you regularly receive saying “I’m so sorry but can we do this next week?”.

It’s got so easy to flake out on plans, cancel at the nth hour and swerve people you don’t really want to see. Or maybe you do want to see them but not quite enough. It’s almost impossible to remember what we did before smart phones. Did we just keep all our dates?

I’m so guilty of backing out of social engagements myself and I’m working on that. Last week I had a plan for every night of the week and it was too much. I panicked and cancelled 75% of it, then went home and spent most of my down time braless in front of Netflix. I’m not good at being too busy, especially when I’ve just started a new job and have a million things on my mind. Sometimes it’s a wonder I still have friends but I guess the secret it to balance it out. And I’m by no means any worse than any of the people I make the plans with (and I’m never that gutted when we have to reschedule, rather it’s usually a beautiful gift).

I used to be a lot worse, suffering panic attacks when I had to go out to crowded places. My head would bang and I would try anything to get out of it, even if they were arranged months in advance. Luckily I had minor speed habit that helped me to get over myself quickly, until the inevitable come down the next day.

I would drive friends mad with this behaviour and sometimes now I wonder if I’ve not changed that much, given that I avoid birthday gatherings because I just can’t handle more than a handful of people at a time. If I don’t know anybody then I’m even less likely to attend. I still shudder at a birthday drinks I went to a few years ago where I stood there like a sore thumb for hours – and nobody saved me from my misery. (I would save someone from their misery!).

Anyway, this is the season I start to plan my hibernation. Apart from the obvious holiday celebrations I will be opting out of a lot of social fun times in favour of staying in with my books and watching films. I’m not exactly the outdoorsy type you could say – and I’m unapologetic about it. Oh, and people who rib other people for not getting out in the fresh air are the worst. I will do it in my own time, when I feel like it. You don’t know my life.

If any of my friends are reading this then I’m sorry for all the birthday drinks and house parties I’ve swerved, it’s all about my feelings of inadequacy as a party guest though and never to do with you. I’m way better one on one in the pub or over dinner, I swear.

Just not during the months of October, November and December. And January and February, too.

5 thoughts on “Flaking Out

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