A Voluptuous Mind, Life

Old Wounds

As a person who worries way too much about what other people think of me, I often agree to things I don’t want to do.

Nothing crazy, just meetings that don’t really hold any value for either party involved, that are arranged just to tick a box. An obligation box if you will.

That might sound harsh but surely we all do it? I’m trying so hard to be more honest about these things, to only agree to things I want to do, see people who bring me joy – treat my down time as something special, a currency to be used wisely.

This week an old, old friend of a friend contacted me about meeting up as she’ll be in the country in July. I mean, we’re Facebook friends and everything but the basis of our relationship was always my old best friend, the one I broke up with nearly seven years ago. They were in a relationship and I hung out with them a bit when I lived in Vancouver.

When she contacted me it felt rude to say no even though my first instinct was to ignore her message. She hasn’t done anything wrong. But really all we ever had in common was my OBF and she’s not someone I feel like talking about over a pint any time soon. I’m trying to let go of negativity, not rake it all back up.

But saying no does not come naturally. Anyone else the same? It doesn’t mean I’m selfless or saintly, it’s more that need I have to please everyone. It’s exhausting.

But after a pep talk from my friend Darren, in which he made me see I have the right to leave the past where it is, I told her it wasn’t something that would work for me. I told her I’d moved on and that I had no interest in looking  backwards again. And you know what? The world didn’t implode and she doesn’t hate me. We’re still Facebook friends.

A lesson was learnt in that simple action and I suddenly feel quite strong. I’m learning to let go and give myself what I need. I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to ever again (except go to work). I don’t have to please everybody all the time. There is always a way to be kind but firm about your feelings and it’s a revelation. Aged 40 I’m still learning to be honest.

Now who else can I cancel?! (Kidding).

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Jillian & Christa's Great Blog Collab 2018, The Movies

The Witch (Film) Review

Or: Stone the Crows!

This week features a film we’ve both already seen but I feel like we come back to it a lot, much like The Babadook in discussion and certainly in comparison to other movies. Since it’s free for all month and there’s no way I could complete with last week’s joyful pick, I figured this might be fun to review. Or perhaps fun isn’t quite the term. Try harrowing, haunting, ominous AF.

*Spoilers*

The Witch (2015)

IMDB Synopsis

A family in 1630s New England is torn apart by the forces of witchcraft, black magic and possession.

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My Review

New England in the 1630s and William (Ralph Ineson) and his clan have just been booted from their home due to differences in religious opinion. Basically, William interprets The New Testament one way and every one else another. The fam – William and his wife Katherine, son Caleb, daughter Thomasin and the twins Mercy and Jonas – relocate far from the plantation and build their own basic farm in the woods.

Shortly after their arrival, Katherine (Kate Dickie) gives birth to her fifth child, baby Samuel. Shit hits the fan when Thomasin (the really v. good Anya Taylor-Joy) is playing peekaboo on the outskirts of the woods with the baby when he disappears. Off camera we, the viewer, learn quickly of Samuel’s fate (it ain’t a good scene, man) but the family do not and there are varied opinions as to what has become of Samuel – witch or wolf being the two options.

Katherine is devastated and spends her days crying in bed as any mother would. William, sick of nothing growing in the farm, determines than in order to survive, the men will have to learn to catch their own food. He takes his son Caleb hunting and while alone he tells him that he sold Katherine’s silver cup to buy hunting supplies. Sadly the hunt does not yield much and family life is even more tense.

All the while the twins spend an abnormal amount of time goading the family goat, Black Phillip (voice by Daniel Chaudhry). We’ll come back to him later.

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So the finger of blame is pointing squarely at Thomasin. When Katherine finds her cup missing she insinuates that Thomasin has something to do with its disappearance too. Sure, everyone blame the baby-loser. William and Katherine argue into the night about sending her away to serve another family.

Side note: Let’s be real this isn’t a cheery yarn.

Tired of the misery and wanting to do something to help his family, Caleb (Harvey Scrimshaw) sneaks out into the darkness to try his hand at hunting again. Thomasin follows him and demands to go along or she’ll grass him up to their dad. While in the woods the pair are separated (Thomasin is knocked unconscious), the dog is ripped apart by unknown forces and Caleb has an encounter with a seductive witch. Once again Thomasin is forced to return home without a sibling and the family is fraught.

When Caleb turns up later, delirious and naked, Katherine is convinced that witchcraft is at play (you think?) and prays over Caleb. Unfortunately, our boy is not long for this world and shuffles off, not before throwing up an apple and presenting a beautifully serene monologue. In the melee, the twins get upset because they can’t remember the words to the Lord’s Prayer and accuse Thomasin of being a witch. In retaliation, she tells her parents about their incessant chatter with Black Phillip.

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Cursed cursed image

To shut them all up William locks the remaining children in the goat pen with the big man himself. Later they witness an old witch drinking the blood from another goat.

I shan’t spoil the ending but there are more fatalities, some fantastic Black Phillip dialogue and a distressing breast-feeding scene which I can feel deep inside my core when I close my eyes. Let’s just say by the end all the paranoia and the ominousness pays off.

Witches. Witches everywhere.

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My Thoughts

I couldn’t love this more. It’s such a great example of a powerful modern horror and it ticks all my personal boxes. Everything about the way it looks, from the blue-tinged filter to the stark landscape works in its favour, while the tall trees framing the farm land add to the feeling of being forever watched. I actually feel cold and uncomfortable watching this – and I like it.

All the performances are spot on but Anya is incredible here, all doe-eyed and on the cusp of womanhood. The conclusion is deeply satisfying and stunning, I think. It makes me want to shed my undergarments and join a coven.

In terms of theme, The Witch explores the concept of persecution against women (but of course), female empowerment, black magique, puberty, familial ties – so many topics and its open to your own interpretation too. So make of it what you will but check it out please, I love.

My Rating

4/5.

What did my favourite witch make of this? Would she dance naked with it around the bonfire or feed it to Black Phillip? Find out here, obvi.

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Jillian & Christa's Great Blog Collab 2018, The Movies

Holy Camp! (Film) Review

Or, ‘”Girl”, he said,”at least you didn’t get crucified.”‘

SPOILERS!! If you want to go in clean then skip my intro and move straight into the review.

A user on Letterboxd said this about Holy Camp!:

I never knew I needed a Spanish, Catholic gay musical but here I am.

So you know it’s got to be good. Though perhaps having the heads up that it’s a gay film might ruin the reveal when it comes – because when it does come it is glorious and sweet and I don’t even care about the massive age difference because it is so pure. But don’t let me get carried away now, read away my pretties!

Holy Camp! (2017)

IMDB Synopsis

María and Susana, two rebellious teens spend their summer in a catholic camp. With music as their common denominator, teen rebellion and ecclesiastic order will collide, creating a hymn to freedom and first love.

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My Review

First off this film is gloriously female and I love it for that. We’re offered four really fantastic and well-rounded characters to root for and it feels so refreshing – and while I guess you could say the story line revolves around a man (God), it’s all about these relationships, about love, friendship and searching for your calling in life, whatever that may be. I had all the feels, all the way through.

So María and Susanna (Macarena García and Anna Castillo) are at Catholic Camp for the Summer but they’re not letting that cramp their style. Party animals to the extreme they sneak out at night, take narcotics and dance the hours away to Latina electro in the club. Just watching them brings me out in hives but their clubbing experiences seem joyful. The girls are full of life and hope – but a few cracks begin to show when Susana meets a hot shot music producer who’s interested in meeting with the girls and potentially working with them (they’re a pop duo too).

María doesn’t feel as though their talents are ready for public consumption and when faced with meeting the producer for the first time, she bails, heading back to the camp alone. Oh and even before all of this, María is woken up by an elderly white guy singing ‘I Will Always Love You’ to her – so our girl is already feeling confused about life. Can’t blame her, eh?

Side note: If this film doesn’t make you want to rewatch The Bodyguard immediately, then are you even human?

Susana is not that stoked about being ditched but has set up a meeting at a big party with the producer for a later date. The pair unfortunately fall out when María tells Susana she’s delusional and that their group is immature and bound to make a fool of them. It’s time grow up basically.

It is heartbreaking to see the girls fight but it’s a necessary evil given the course both our central characters are on.

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With the friendship on a rocky path, María continues to see the same old man, each time serenading her with Whitney songs and becomes convinced that she’s seeing God. Susana confides in Sister Milagros (Belén Cuesta) about the producer and this leads the lovely nun to ruminate on her own talents/unfulfilled potential. In a conversation with the awesome drug-dealing cook we learn that Milagros was on the cusp of her own singing success but it didn’t work out.

Milagros fantasises about her own moment in the spotlight via a surreal and wonderful sequence in the basement, which is overheard and witnessed by Susana, who is smoking outside. Meanwhile, both the girls have appeared on the radar of ferocious new Mother Superior (?) Bernarda (Gracia Olayo). She’s determined to whip these little troublemakers into shape, much to their chagrin. This changes a little when she learns that the girls are into music and she opens up to María about a flash mob she’s choreographed.

Side note: One of the best scenes features Bernada and Milagros singing and dancing together – and one of the lyrics made me snort out loud. It’s the one I used above as my ‘alternative’ title. I love these two so, so much.

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María, in response to Bernada’s dance overtures, confides that she’s been seeing God. At first Bernada is quite in agreement that he is all around but when María insists that she is actually SEEING HIM, B sets about training her to find out what he wants from her in the best way possible. In contrast, Susana is shown making out with her boyfriend and showing off her own dance moves, presumably in preparation for the big party rapidly approaching.

When God appears again and María prays to him just as B has shown her, he scoffs at her and disappears. This devastates María and in the kerfuffle, her secret is outed to the other two women. While Milagros phones the Vatican, she laments her failure to connect properly with God. The girls sort of touch base about the party, with Susana saying she doesn’t want to go without María – and that they’re in it together but the truce doesn’t last long.

Milagros goes out of her way to try and convince Susana not to waste her one opportunity but when she tries a similar pep talk on María, trying to talk her out of all this God business, Susana goes ballistic. Revealing that she’s secretly in love with a certain singing nun – she wonders how Milagros dares try dissuade her best friend from her calling – even if that calling seems so far-fetched. If she, Susanna can be gay and in love with a nun, then why can’t Maria be in love with God? Which is a fair point. As Susanna says, to each their own.

Shocked by this outburst, Milagros is even more stunned when Susana kisses her and meanwhile, off camera I whooped. Could Mialgros feel the same way about Susanna? How will the girls get back in God’s graces?

More importantly can we all just bury the hatchet and be best friends forever with no more cross words ever uttered?

My Thoughts

You know last week’s sub-par cock fest? This is the antidote to that. Where Love was pretentious, dull and full to the brim with misogynistic rhetoric, Holy Camp! is fun and touching – a study on friendship and the support women give unflinchingly when they love one another, romantically, platonically, whatever.

It looks great, the songs are brilliant – a mixture of Whitney classics and original songs, all of which are uplifting and hilarious. Plus the final number is ridiculously joyous.

Holy Camp! does look at religion but it does so in such a way that it doesn’t judge and that must be very difficult to pull off. In fact I take from it that to each their own also applies to faith which is a brilliant, simple message that I completely buy into.

Both central girls are gorgeous but they’re also warm and I feel their chemistry radiating off the screen. Particularly in the cabin scene, in which Susana declares her unwavering loyalty to María and her God dilemma. As mentioned though, this film has four vital corners and that includes Bernada and Milagros. Seriously, I love a mostly female cast and this is one of the most likable I’ve seen in a while.

My Rating

4.5/5.

Also, have some animated GIFs as a special treat. You are welcome.

What does my holy angel think of this one? I already know but if you want to find out if she’d pledge her love to it eternal or renounce it forever, find out here.

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#onewomanbookclub, Books

Rebecca (Book) Review

I know, I know, it’s criminal in some respects that I hadn’t read this before last month. It boasts everything I hold dear in literature (Gothic landscapes, strong women, drama, murder, suspense) and yet somehow I just never got round to it. It’s the same with Jane Austen, I feel close to the subject matter but I’ve never actually read any of it (sue me). But when I saw this cover I was sold immediately and a lot of friends weighed in to confirm that this is their favourite book of all time. Well, it was clearly time to pick it up and give it a go.

And?

Well! It’s one of the best books of all time, isn’t it? While I thought I might be predicting quite a lot of what happened, I can’t be sure I haven’t seen an adaptation and forgotten about it in my 40 year life. But it was magnificent and delicious – and above all, relatable. In the sense that haven’t we all, particularly as women in a patriarchal world compared ourselves unfavourably to others a thousand times?

That our heroine, the unnamed narrator and new Mrs de Winter is living in the shadow of a perfect and lovable ghost is heartbreaking, who could possibly compete? Thankfully there is always more to the story than meets the eye and the tale that unravels is classic and cool as fuck.

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Vintage Rebecca cover

In case you’re like me and have been happily chilling under a rock all your life, a cheeky little synopsis for Rebecca:

Our narrator, a naive 20 something companion to a rich American lady meets wealthy widower Maximilian de Winter in Monte Carlo. Despite her lack of life experience, the two embark on a swift courtship that results in marriage. Our nameless heroine soon finds herself back in England, living on Maxim’s sprawling West Country estate Manderley and the phrase fish out of water has never rung truer. Haunted by the ghost (figuratively) of Maxim’s first wife, the breathtakingly beautiful Rebecca, the new Mrs de Winter spends her time wandering the estate, wondering if she’s made a massive mistake.

While Maxim isn’t cruel per se, he is often aloof and Mrs de Winter puts this down to him still being in love with his late wife, who drowned in a tragic boating accident only a year before. She might even be able to get on with it if i wasn’t for the deliberate cruelty of bitchy housekeeper Mrs Danvers (surely stiff competition for Nurse Ratched as baddest villainess of all time), who adored Rebecca and relishes every tiny dig.

But as mentioned above, things are not always as cut and dry as they seem and there is plenty more drama before the book is over. Rebecca is an impeccably crafted, paranoid love story that will make you furious on one hand and desperately sad on the other.

What I enjoyed most is that it gives us a heroine who is cut from a different cloth. She’s mousey, angsty and nothing special as far as she’s concerned and yet she has the steel to stay and fight for what she wants and women like that don’t get enough airtime. Her scenes with Mrs Danvers are stressful and every time Rebecca is mentioned by a staff member I wanted to scream – let it go people, she’s dead!

I think this is a book that will just keep giving, an annual revisit sounds like the most comforting thing I can think of and honestly, I enjoyed every word Daphne has set down for me. And lucky me, our local Picturehouse Cinema is showing Hitchcock’s adaptation on the big screen in a couple of months so I’ll be all over that like a rash.

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Various covers for Rebecca, including the copy I have (middle)

Book details:

Rebecca
Publisher: Virago (16 July 2015)
ISBN-10: 0349006571
ISBN-13: 978-0349006574
Gifted paperback (new)

What are you currently reading?

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Stuff I Dig, TV Addict

Dietland

*The first 3 episodes*

I want to talk about the TV adaptation of one of my favourite books in recent years (and apparently, my Book of 2016) – Dietland. It’s just started airing in the US and thankfully also on Amazon Prime – which is the greatest weekly treat. The first three episodes are up now and so far so good.

IMDB Synopsis

Plum Kettle is a ghostwriter for the editor of one of New York’s hottest fashion magazines. Struggling with self-image and fed up with how she’s treated by her boss and society, Plum sets out on a wildly complicated road to self-awakening. At the same time, everyone is buzzing over news reports about men, accused of sexual abuse and assault, who are disappearing and meeting untimely, violent deaths.

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My Thoughts So Far

Joy Nash is gorgeous and so likable as Plum – and she’s actually fat! But I can’t help thinking she’s too good-looking and not fat enough – wouldn’t this be even better if she didn’t fit into the ‘beautiful’ ideal at all? (Hate saying anyone isn’t ‘enough’ of anything but hopefully you know what I’m trying to say) – that said she’s so bloody lovely, I want to see her in everything coming up, please.

Julianna Margulies as Kitty Montgomery is PERFECTLY cast – I despise her in every way. What a prize A CUNT

♥ I’d give anything to visit the beauty closet for just one hour – ten minutes, even

♥ It is never tiring to watch abusers get their comeuppance, even when it’s brutal and violent (particularly then)

♥ I really like that Malleck Ferguson is such a poorly disguised version of a well-known fashion photographer and abuser – down to the minute details of his over-the-top glasses and personal style – LOL

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♥ Marlowe Buchanan is also cast well (she’s played by Alanna Ubach) and so far comes across as a bit of an arse with a God complex – proof that heroes and villains aren’t always cast in black and white

♥ Not enough Leeta (Erin Darke) – so they better bring her back again soon

♥ The closing speech at the end of Episode 3 made me cry. I won’t spoiler but it starts with “I don’t hate myself, society does” and it’s important and vital and above all TRUE

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I haven’t seen any violence towards sex workers or porn stars yet but I’ve read a discussion about it on Twitter and I’m not into it either. I know that the book tackles the porn industry on the whole and it opened my eyes when I read it – but I don’t think this should be a judgement of the women themselves, in either capacity. I’ll see when it comes along how I feel but I am hoping that it doesn’t let me down.

I can’t wait until the next episode, TV just got GREAT again!

Anyone else watching? What are your thoughts? 

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Jillian & Christa's Great Blog Collab 2018, The Movies

Love (Film) Review

Love: or What the fuck did you expect, Murphy?

This week’s pick has a very high opinion of itself which at least makes one of us. It is definitely NSFW, not that you’d be watching French-Belgian art house at your place of work but you know what I mean: lots of private parts and shagging. You have been warned.

*Spoilers*

Love (2015)

IMDB Synopsis

Murphy is an American living in Paris who enters a highly sexually and emotionally charged relationship with the unstable Electra. Unaware of the effect it will have on their relationship, they invite their pretty neighbor into their bed.

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My Review

Murphy and Electra (Karl Glusman and Aomi Muyock) are a highly-sexed couple. He is an American film student, while Electra is some sort of artist (who never seems to do any art but who am I to judge?). Their relationship is rather turbulent if truth be told but we don’t explore that until after they’ve broken up.

When we first meet Murphy he is living with his wife Omi (Klara Kristin) and their new baby. Murphy receives an email from Electra’s mother who tells him that she hasn’t seen her daughter for months. Presumed missing, this sends old Murphy into a tailspin as he contacts their old friends to try to locate his ex – while reminiscing about the love they let get away.

Via non-linear flashback we learn that the couple asked their then neighbour Omi to join them for a cheeky threesome, only for Murphy to get her pregnant behind Electra’s back after their original night together. This causes the break up of the relationship and although it’s not easy to follow the timeline, leads Electra deeper into the world of drugs.

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Their love affair has already proven over-dramatic, rife with infidelity, drug abuse and fighting but it has also been rooted in a sort of love, an idealistic ride-or-die mentality that does not ring true in the end. Murphy fucks strangers at parties (which gets confusing because he has a penchant for attractive dark-haired Europeans) while Electra is unfaithful with her sugar-daddy ex.

They talk about having babies and dying without each other but can’t seem to get it together to be kind to one another. Murphy screams insults at his lover while she spirals out of control on drugs and lord knows what.

In present day, Murphy longs to go back to a ‘better’ time before he fucked it all up with Electra – and resents Omi and their child, who I think might be called Gaspar? It’s a miserable scene, man as Omi knows only too well that Murphy is pining for his past.

Meanwhile Murphy’s whiny as fuck inner voice calls his wife a bitch for tricking him into family life which just made me want to bash his head in.

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Will Murphy atone for his cavalier attitude towards Electra (and all women really) or will he make the most of his new life with Omi? And will he ever stop being such a grade A fuck boi? I think we all know that answer to that last one.

The problem with Love is that I hated everyone. Even my sympathy for Omi wore paper-thin (something about her pompous Pro-life speech on her first date with the couple sealed that). Murphy is a deeply unlikable guy with such a casual attitude towards the women in his life, realistic maybe for a young student but it doesn’t bode well for his likability factor – I hated him. I hated the way he cheated on his girlfriend, how he spoke to both Electra and Omi, basically everything he did. There’s a scene where he almost has sex with a trans prostitute and I didn’t like his homophobic attitude there either. Like, just fuck off Murphy.

Electra is a complex(ish) creature but there’s not much character development and we never get any answers. As for the erotic elements, it soon becomes tiresome to see so much fucking.

I kept leaving the room for ages and coming back to the same extended scene. I’m no prude but this is trying to be shocking for shocking’s sake and it’s pretty whack. Plus, sex is never that well-lit, I’m sure of it.

This is nowhere close to Gaspar Noé‘s Irreversible, which is a very hard watch but also a heartbreaking look at the after effects of sexual assault on the victim and their relationships.

My Rating

0.5/5. I hated everything about this.

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What did my love think of this one? Did she want to bang its brains out or in with a brick? Find out here.

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A Voluptuous Mind, Weekly Digest

Overdue Catch Up & Weekly Digest

I thought I’d do a general catch up and a Weekly Digest in one today because it’s been a while. Lucky you, eh?

The last few weeks have been pretty busy catching up and actually socialising in the sunshine for a change, something I am resolutely against (kind of). I’ve been blessed with the people in my life who actually make me feel cooler and younger by proxy. So that’s been nice.

A few weeks back we went to Margate for my brother’s birthday and I can honestly say I’m in love – to the point I’ve been googling jobs there. It’s not a viable option but boy would I love to live in Margate – it’s just got a vibe I can see myself embracing and I want in. Again, it’s pie in the sky but it’s nice to have a dream, right? – and you just never know!

Much as I love Brighton I do worry about the lack of bang for your buck, rent is astronomical (as with a lot of places outside London I know) and even if we are ever lucky enough to buy our own place, it will be hard to find a good deal. So sometimes I do fantasise about starting a new life in other towns, I’m sure that’s quite normal. Anyway, for now Margate has my heart and maybe the novelty will wear off, maybe it won’t – all I know is that it feels good right now!

And this leads me seamlessly into the things I am currently digging.

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Dreamland, Margate

The happiest place in the South of England? Possibly. And a great venue – I’m really interested in seeing Roni Size in August – either way I’ve been once and I’m obsessed.

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Mom Jeans

I’m so into Mom jeans right now. High waisted is apparently the style I’ve been seeking all my life and now it’s here I can’t stop. Any wardrobe should boast multiple pairs though so it’s practical if nothing else to stock up. Right?

L-R: Blue mom jeans, £30 ~ Blue/Black wash mom jeans, £16 (in sale) ~ Washed Black mom jeans, £32

REVENGE

Revenge (2017)

I’m not super crazy about rape revenge and this is exactly that, however I was pleasantly surprised by Revenge. I thought Matilda Anna Ingrid Lutz as the abused Jen was really interesting to watch and while of course this is horrible, it’s quite an aesthetically pleasing body horror with a soundtrack and imagery reminiscent of Quentin Tarantino.

Honestly, some of the colours and shots are spectacular.

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CYO This Line’s A Keeper Semi-permanent Eyeliner

This liquid liner does not budge and it’s a fine replacement for Seventeen Tattoo Me Eyeliner, which was brutally discontinued recently. Shame I spent £16 on the Kat Von D Tattoo Liner before I found this beauty, eh? The trials and tribulations of a riot grrrl, eh?

What are you digging this week?

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