Category Archives: Work

Breathe

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Here we are, back to work, back to reality.

The diet chat is rife, people are returning to the gyms with their tails between their legs and boy don’t we know it. The mince pies have been cleared away and we’re having hearty porridge for our breakfasts instead of a handful of Quality Street.

I hate all the self-flagellation that comes after all the joy so I’m not partaking in it. I won’t be going to the gym tonight or any time soon because I can’t afford it and also I don’t want to. I can’t think of anything worse than sweating my nuts off in between a hundred other people who’d rather be on the sofa finishing the new series of Black Mirror. So I’ll be on the sofa finishing the new series of Black Mirror thanks, in a blanket with my tea.

January is generally the most miserable month of all and I’m going to inject as many little moments of happiness into it as I can, even if I am as poor as a church mouse. Even if all that is is an hour reading a book I’m into or having a pickle. Life’s too short and my only resolution is to be MORE so bring it 2018. I want more!

On another note, I’ve been spending more time than is healthy watching 2017 highlight videos on social media. All those wonderful perfectly composed images from the past year fill me with an instant gratification but when I think back on my own year, which was filled with some really dark moments (and obviously it was worse for my husband), I’m just thankful I made it at all.

Not to bring the mood down because we’re all about positivity here but I’m amazed I didn’t run away or bury myself in the garden at times. We suffered a great loss as a family, which was awful but has brought us closer together and I’m grateful for that. I feel as though I held on to a lot of the trauma of what happened though and then I moved from my comfy (but deeply unfulfilling) job into the worst one I’ve ever had (yes worse than the turkey plucking) – and I nearly lost it.

Some good did come of this though as the anxiety I’ve been trying to freeze out for years refused to be ignored any longer and I had to do something about it. I also learned that some people are just horrible and nothing you can do or say can change that. A hard lesson has been to understand that that’s on them and not me.

And even though I’m not sure my current role is a forever, it is fun and I’ve made some great friends – so for now I’m just going to enjoy it and see where it takes me. Despite myself I’m excited for what the year has in store, slightly wary but overall hopeful – and everyday, I’m just going to try to remember to breathe.

How are you guys settling into the New Year?

New Job Update

New work is good although I’ve got an awful lot to learn about the print business, that’s for sure!

Everybody else has years of experience on me and all I have right now is a willingness to pick it up. Which is better than nothing, no doubt – and they knew it when they hired me. I’m not worried, it’s just the usual first week nerves and self-doubt sneaking in. (My old friends).

Ex-colleagues who’ve been through the grinder in my last work place understand the “Rocket effect”. How it knocks you down and fucks with your self-worth, making you feel like you have nothing to offer the outside world. It takes time to shake that.

I still worry about whether people will like me. But that’s human nature I guess, and I’m trying this time not to freak out. In the end I can only be myself and I am enough.

I must say it’s really nice to be in a new environment where everyone knows their stuff, and I can’t wait to follow suit. The smell of ink, the sound of the presses whirring – it’s all so new and interesting. Being able to see jobs through from beginning to end, well that feels like achieving something, you know?

So I’m a week in and I’m looking forward to the next, which will no doubt be busy, terrifying in places, educational and very satisfying. This is exactly why I needed a career change and I have to remind myself of this when I feel stupid for not knowing something. It’s brand new and it’s brave to make change – that’s why it’ll pay off in the end, because I want it to.

How was your week?

P.M.A and Work Self-Love

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Do you ever sit there and suck up all the negative energy in the room? Every so often, sat at my desk at work, I realise I’m scowling for no good reason.

I’m a sponge. When people are happy, I feel happy to. When they’re crying, I can feel my own tears welling up in support. It’s nice to be in tune with people but not when you’re magnetically pulling other people’s anger and despondency toward you. Not when you have your own issues to work through, man!  I know I’m not the only one who feels this way btw.

When a day like this is happening, and I want to avoid making my face wrinkles any worse by frowning all day, I do one, some or all of the following:

  • Type up a five-minute blog post like this one
  • Eat something cheerful, like pink marshmallows or strawberry laces
  • Go onto ASOS.com quickly and buy something small to be delivered the next day. This is why I’m poor FYI
  • Eat cake
  • Look at pictures of Panda’s cat, Pudding who is my new one true love
  • Ditto photos of Bertha Mason, sweet princess baby of my Blog Wife
  • Listen to podcasts – usually film or true crime (I recently got onto untoldmurder.com and really need to get round to badfatbroads.com, which is neither film or crime themed)
  • Go for a walk and talk to colleagues under the guise of ‘working’ for ten minutes (more often 48)
  • Think about my new tattoos and future tattoos
  • Talk about the Kardashian/Jenners – I know this is lots of people’s idea of hell but their lives are pure escapism to me and I kind of love them (I know Camelia Ophelia shares this)
  • Make a 77th cup of tea
  • Water Kieran II
  • Watch this YouTube clip – or this one
  • Take a quick selfie in the loo (Snapchat filter optional)
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Cake ~ Kieran II (the plant) ~ Puddin’ ~ Prison Tatt

I’m a big believer in PMA. I know people have bad days and miserable ones, I do too but generally I try not to let inertia creep in too much. Self-care is a very important topic for me and there are many more things I love to do to administer that. These are just the ‘work friendly’ ones I can conceivably get away with at my desk or around the workplace.

I’m not sure how ‘Dance around naked to Aerosmith’ would go down in our open plan office, truth be told.

BTW, I know this post is very ambiguous and it’s not like the cause of the office grump will ever read my blog. But I need to get it out every now and again, you know?

Out of interest, what do you do when the work blues kick in? ❤

And yes, I know we’ve got bigger problems in the world than a slightly bad day at work.

My Week in Pictures – February 19 to 26

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Last time I posted my Week in Pictures, I waxed lyrical about going through a period of hibernation. Not much has changed.

It’s not something that worries me. I feel as though I have arrived at a great stage in my life where I don’t have to bend to pressure from other people and if I want to be the homebody I really am, I can go underground, without regret. That said, if I want to go out and dance in trainers until 3am, that is also my prerogative.

Right now, both G and I are on the arse end of a nasty bout of sickness. I’ve been sicker (!) but have miraculously managed to get myself to work, and out on several occasions, despite the above, while my one true love has been signed off work for a week. It’s not that he hasn’t been knocked for six by a chest infection, it’s just that I am far more heroic.

I realise on looking back that I was also talking about being sick in my last pictures post. I’ve been regularly and, it feels, constantly sick in one way or another since Christmas. I will be investing in a flu jab forthwith and taking more vitamins, because this cannot go on!

Pictures, left to right, top to bottom:

  1. I managed to get my aching butt to the pictures to see 50 Shades, as you already know. My reaction was mixed and my review is here, in case you missed it
  2. A good way to measure how I’m feeling about myself is by how many #selfies I take. This one was a turning point after a long flu-like sickness. Hello world!
  3. I got a bit excited when I noticed this Aroe piece right opposite where we live. It’s tucked down a little side alley and I only noticed it when I popped out to buy a pint of milk. I get excited about graffiti and lost my cool a few months back when I spotted this artist live in the act of creating a new piece #totalfangirl
  4. Having fun with rainbows. Spotted this in the car park at work, Instagrammed it. Obvs
  5. Two new babies from Models Own’s Chrome collection. Chrome Rose and Chrome Olive. They are delightful and the perfect little treats to cheer up a dreary day (although this day looks pretty spectac in this image)
  6. Leopard print lifts any outfit and these make me feel like I can do anything!
  7. My husband never puts his foot down about anything I do to modify myself but doesn’t think a septum piercing would suit me. To prove him wrong, I bought a fake one. Sadly, the man in right – it’s not a great look for me…
  8. A bonus of working in our shitty building is the epic view of the sun sets, this one was particularly awe-inspiring
  9. Lips!

Happy weekend loves, Hope you’ve had a good one!

A Moment in Time

What was the last picture you took? Tell us the story behind it. Via The Daily Post (20th January 2015)

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This is the last good picture I took. I sure as Hell photograph a lot of things I think are funny/cute that don’t deserve the light of day (selfies, aside). This was taken in the rickety old building I work in that is almost pitch black after 5pm in the Winter.

This means any trips to the bathroom, or anywhere else for that matter, are conducted almost entirely in the dark. It gets most stressful if you have an imagination like mine. I think the building would be the perfect setting location for a slasher/horror movie.

Aside from that, the toilets are actually haunted. Word is that our ghoul likes to flit between male and female bathrooms, indiscriminately, so we can’t decipher gender. All we do know is that it likes to set off the hand dryer while you’re in the middle of business. If you’re in there alone, you can often hear footsteps and I swear it’s accompanied by the sound of beads clanking together. I’m thinking monk or nun.

One night it whispered “hello” into a colleague’s ear as she walked out. We’ve taken to calling our ghost Fergal, regardless of anything.

I like this picture because it’s atmospheric. It makes me appreciate my work place more. It’s a run down building with not much going for it except character.

I like character in my surroundings.

Ready, Set, Done

Our ten-minute free-write is back! Have no mercy on your keyboard as you give us your most unfiltered self. Via The Daily Post

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An accurate photographical depiction of where my head’s at

I’ve recently been doing so much proofing and other stuff for work, and stressing while I do it, that my own creative endeavors, even reading my choice of literature at the end of an evening, has gone out of the window.

This is turn, I really believe, makes me a very dull human being indeed. I need to be stimulated, creating, thinking to make this thing called life work. Without it, I am nothing but a drone.

What is the point without passion? This week has been an angry week without creative joy and I know it is my responsibility, and well within my own power, to change this.

So Pretty Woman is on Netflix (hey, the soundtrack is exquisite) and I’m going to free flow this bad boy and clear my head for a fresh and exciting new week. You in?

Where to start? First off, it’s so damned cold out. Have you ever noticed that the conversation is already over the minute the person you’re speaking to starts talking about the weather? It’s such a British thing to talk about how hot/chilly/wet it is out there.

My best friend and I used to consider small talk of this nature the nail in the coffin of conversation. Working as Baristas, it’s all we’d talk about.

“How are you?”
“Cold.”
“… What can I get you?”

The Art of Conversation was not designed to be mastered over the condiment counter, of course so I probably shouldn’t be so hard on the people who have just walked in, probably to avoid talking to anybody. It’s why I go for coffee, after all – for the peace and quiet.

So it’s cold and I’m actually happy about that. Coats and boots and scarves and hot chocolate and blankets; they make me happy. PJs to walk up the road to my BFF’s house make me happy. New hats make me smile.

I like cosy. I am staunchly pro-hibernation.

I don’t like my job at the moment, despite the amazing people I work with (mostly). I like the actual work for the most part and have been given the opportunity to do a little bit of writing, which of course is what I would like to be doing professionally. But I despair of the office politics.

I feel sometimes as though I am losing myself. I hate having to bite my tongue, be patient with stupid people. I hate having to shrug and accept things that anyone can see aren’t working. Sadly, as an assistant there’s not much I can do about that right now.

Perhaps the answer is to look elsewhere for professional fulfillment but I’ve put in the time, done the work, worked my way up; why should I? I feel like I should see it through and stay committed. Like a pitbull with a bone between her teeth.

I guess all I can do is wait and see, quietly work out what’s best for me.

Elsewhere, life is good. Life is hard but good and joyful. Life would be boring if it were perfect, I guess that’s one way to look at it.

Hallow-Hell-Yes!

Or How I Learned to Love My Curves and Respect the Bum: Halloween Edition*

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There was a time when I was so self-conscious about my body that I would tie my jacket around my middle to ‘hide’ all my imperfections.

If I could help it, I wouldn’t get up and walk past anyone I didn’t know. I would never approach the bar in a pub and would fret like nobody’s business if I had to get off the bus in front of a gang of youths in case they shouted abuse at me, like they had nothing better to do.

It wasn’t a good scene, man and I was miserable, often sweating away in a heavy leather jacket as the Summer came and went. Then somewhere, somehow it got better and I learnt about self-esteem.

It wobbles some days, of course, but in general I’m cool with what I have. I have all but put those silly notions out of my head. Perhaps people do whisper mean things about me, but I don’t hear them anymore. The freedom gained from learning to love yourself (for the most part) is incredible, but 1000 time better than that.

But this is the Halloween edition of my relationship with myself and so on to that.

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Last year’s Halloween ensemble

Last year I got fed up with the party-pooperness of my fellow workmates and went to work dressed as a cat.

It was a half-arsed attempt to prove some sort of point, and I didn’t exactly thrown my back into it. A smudge of black eyeliner, whiskers and a darling little black nose topped off my glittery cat’s eye mask to perfection, and that was that.

It’s a weird feeling to be over dressed in public. It feels almost completely the opposite, as if you have omitted to put on underwear (or anything else) and have skipped into the workplace as naked as the day you were born.

Anyway, this year I have found myself organising a Halloween event to raise money for Macmillan, which is both great for the charity but also, the best ever way to ensure that I’m not alone in dressing up this year! I’m not going to reveal my outfit ideas just yet, but I will say, I have more than one.

Since I am also going to a party on the Saturday, what choice had I but to have two amazing costumes, hmmmm? Which leads me to the point I was trying to make with this entire post.

#bighint (Can you guess who'll I'll be?)
#hint (Can you guess?)

My work costume is pretty tame in terms of flesh to costume ratio because who needs to be confronted by my heaving bosoms when they’re trying to go about their daily business? Nobody that’s who. So it’s cool and comic booky – but very much buttoned up.

Saturday night is another matter. Again, I’m referencing one of my all-time favourite characters (also comic book), but this time it’s going to a little bit more risqué.

Full on busty, bare shouldered with a cinched waist. If I’m feeling it on the night, there will be fishnets. Basically, it will be a million light years away from the sad girl in the corner, too paranoid to actually get up and have a good time.

I simply don’t give a fuck about worrying anymore, I want to be part of the real action this year.

It’ll be just wonderful**

* Sorry 😦

** #hinthint