Blue Monday

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I was going to do a whole schtick about Blue Monday and my ‘cure’ for such days but, on reading the post back, I realised it was coming off too flippant. Like, ha the cure for any bad day is obviously Jason Momoa’s Instagram, and while I wish more than anything it was that simple, I know it’s not.

All I can say is that anyone affected by anxiety and Mental Health Issues, I hope you get the help you need. You’re not alone, no matter how much it might feel that way.

And maybe Blue Monday is a good thing if it gets us all talking about the January Blues and how depressing it can all be. Maybe in knowing something like this is coming we can better arm ourselves against it? Practicing self-care is incredibly important, be that a bubble bath or taking the whole day off social media to protect yourself from triggering news. We gotta do what we gotta do, right? There’s no other way.

This isn’t meant to be a woe is me post personally but I know how it feels to feel hopeless and trapped and terrified, something I’ve held on to for way too long, let me tell you. And it rears its ugly head in the form of anxiety and doubt all the time. But things can get better, do get more manageable and they can change.

They can change for you too. 💙

If you’re in the UK, you can dial 116 123 to get through to The Samaritans.
This is a handy looking list of Mental Health helplines is good too.

Oh, just in case, this is Momoa’s Insta. 💙

Day 26: Fucking Nancy

Source unknown

This is the best thing I’ve ever seen.

I’m going to be like Nancy from now on. (I say this but I’m totally the uncool sea creature) ❤

Day 24: Sleigh

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Christmas can be a difficult time, all that family together in close quarters, all that cleaning and cooking to do. I try not to allow myself to stress but invariably do, spending much of Christmas morning red-faced and cussing. Sometimes snapping at my loved ones, as they naturally try to help me out, and I don’t let them.

I’m not talking about my immediate family here because these days it’s just us, chilling out but I saw something on social media about how hard it can be to spend all that time with the people you love when they just don’t understand you. This post in particular was about a girl struggling with being called fat continually throughout the Christmas period by her parents and extended family.

Now, I do know how this feels as I grew up with critical family members, who from an early age made digs about how much and what I ate at Christmas (and all year round). I still remember the exact words and who uttered them, and I must have been no more than 8 at the time. They didn’t stop as I grew up and honestly, if I had a penny for every time I’ve heard “You’d be beautiful if you lost weight”, I’d have a lot of pennies. (Which I’d spend on crisps).

I wish people would stop. Or at least consider how even the most throwaway comment can land and stick for life. I’ve never been conventionally attractive or slim and it doesn’t matter to anyone. Why should it bother an aunt I only ever see briefly at Christmas or funerals?

It isn’t always about weight or looks, either. It can be about career or lack thereof. Or your inability to hold down a relationship. Maybe you have the wrong relationship. Maybe you’re just not living up to your family’s expectations, whatever they are.

In my own meandering way I’m trying to say, if you’re in a situation like this: hang in there. It’s hard just to say fuck them when they’re your family, I know*. Sometimes you’ve no choice but to grin and bear it. But please try to remember that you should be answerable to nobody but yourself.

So they don’t like the way you look. And? They think you could do better career wise. What do you think, are you happy? 

They despise your boyfriend/girlfriend? Well, you’ve kind of got me here ‘cos in my experience, Mother is always right. But you know, you’re the one who has to decide this and you will decide this when the time is right. (I’m living proof you have to take your own time to figure this shit out).

Go slay this Christmas season: be secure in who you are. Try and be patient with the ignorance of others, if you can. Don’t tolerate anything that upsets you. Believe in yourself and don’t forget, people with happy healthy lives never feel the need to throw verbal punches, so consider that.

You’re fucking perfect the way you are. Merry motherfucking Christmas! ❤

*Mum, if you’re reading this, I don’t mean you!

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P.M.A and Work Self-Love

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Do you ever sit there and suck up all the negative energy in the room? Every so often, sat at my desk at work, I realise I’m scowling for no good reason.

I’m a sponge. When people are happy, I feel happy to. When they’re crying, I can feel my own tears welling up in support. It’s nice to be in tune with people but not when you’re magnetically pulling other people’s anger and despondency toward you. Not when you have your own issues to work through, man!  I know I’m not the only one who feels this way btw.

When a day like this is happening, and I want to avoid making my face wrinkles any worse by frowning all day, I do one, some or all of the following:

  • Type up a five-minute blog post like this one
  • Eat something cheerful, like pink marshmallows or strawberry laces
  • Go onto ASOS.com quickly and buy something small to be delivered the next day. This is why I’m poor FYI
  • Eat cake
  • Look at pictures of Panda’s cat, Pudding who is my new one true love
  • Ditto photos of Bertha Mason, sweet princess baby of my Blog Wife
  • Listen to podcasts – usually film or true crime (I recently got onto untoldmurder.com and really need to get round to badfatbroads.com, which is neither film or crime themed)
  • Go for a walk and talk to colleagues under the guise of ‘working’ for ten minutes (more often 48)
  • Think about my new tattoos and future tattoos
  • Talk about the Kardashian/Jenners – I know this is lots of people’s idea of hell but their lives are pure escapism to me and I kind of love them (I know Camelia Ophelia shares this)
  • Make a 77th cup of tea
  • Water Kieran II
  • Watch this YouTube clip – or this one
  • Take a quick selfie in the loo (Snapchat filter optional)
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Cake ~ Kieran II (the plant) ~ Puddin’ ~ Prison Tatt

I’m a big believer in PMA. I know people have bad days and miserable ones, I do too but generally I try not to let inertia creep in too much. Self-care is a very important topic for me and there are many more things I love to do to administer that. These are just the ‘work friendly’ ones I can conceivably get away with at my desk or around the workplace.

I’m not sure how ‘Dance around naked to Aerosmith’ would go down in our open plan office, truth be told.

BTW, I know this post is very ambiguous and it’s not like the cause of the office grump will ever read my blog. But I need to get it out every now and again, you know?

Out of interest, what do you do when the work blues kick in? ❤

And yes, I know we’ve got bigger problems in the world than a slightly bad day at work.

Oh January

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Clinging on for dear life

January, you have been such a fuck head.

You’ve taken icons, made me doubt myself, rained on my parade at every available opportunity.

You’ve made me want to bury my head under the pillow and hide from the entire world until you’ve passed by.

But, I think we’re just about there. I can see tomorrow, and tomorrow is payday, my doorway through which to flounce into February.

Feb is Feminist Film Month here on A Voluptuous Mind and I am oh so excited about that. I’m getting tattooed again on the 2nd and I’ve been able to face a few of my responsibilities head on (read: debt) and put them to bed, so in many ways February is already shaping up to be better.

Anyway, some positive things about January, before I kiss it goodbye. I mean, it’s been rotten but it’s not been allllllll bad:

  • I won a regular argument with myself and (mostly) continued to work out during this shitty month. The difference between me working out and me not is unreal – I am so much more centred when I’ve sweated and my legs ache.
  • I’ve almost finished Jessica Jones (2 episodes to go). I can’t say I like it or enjoy it that much, it just feels good not to have quit and to be (almost) done.
  • I bought some new leopard print bedding.
  • I’ve read two great books: Life Moves Pretty Fast: The Lessons We Learned From Eighties Movies (And Why We Don’t Learn Them From Movies Any More) by Hadley Freeman and Hidden Bodies by Caroline Kepnes.
  • Pretty Little Liars came back on.
  • I didn’t quit my job and run crying from the building. Yet (there is still the rest of today and tomorrow).
  • I was reminded just what a decent, loving man I am married to and I couldn’t be more grateful.

How’ve you guys been?

Incidentally, it seems January and I have quite the dance each year. My old foe.

No Regerts

Don't do this. It's really bad.
Don’t do this. It’s really bad.

I know we’re all supposed to live by the mantra that there should be no regerts in life. I get the philosophy, I do; even the worst decisions should teach us a lesson that helps us make the next ones a little better.

All those heartbreaks, kissing frogs, dancing in the street until 8am, flipping the bird at your pervert boss: them’s life experiences, yo. And you’d be nothing without them, trust me.

Yet. I think it’s okay to look back and think “Ooooooooooooo-eeeeeeee WTAF was I thinking there?” The minor regrets.

Some of mine:

  • 87% of my childhood/teenage haircuts
  • Giving my brother a black eye with my Barbie horse in 1985 (or thereabouts) and denying all knowledge of it being me because he was asleep at the time, and why would I? *innocent eyes*
  • Being so into Vanilla Ice
  • Ra ra skirts
  • Not seeing more of Australia (met a boy din’t I?)
  • At least 50% of the time I’ve spent with my ‘sink’ friends (the ones that drain you)
  • Hitchhiking (nothing bad happened but I still reel at how stupid we were)
  • Not buying that amazing white leopard print coat (1998)
  • Whatever it was that I did to get myself grounded and unable to attend ‘that school disco’, it could have been a game changer (but then again, probably not)
  • Taking out my amazing ear piercings for work
  • Star Wars II: Attack of the Clones
  • Not telling people who’ve told me I’d be beautiful if only I *insert their version of a beauty ideal here* to go and fuck themselves. Sideways

So no big ones there.

The biggest regret I have but don’t count, because so much good came out of it, was my six years of Hell. I’m sure most of you know how that story goes by now.

I can now, thankfully say that that isn’t my longest standing relationship anymore. And even though looking back makes me cringe, I wouldn’t have what I have now without it. That’s just a fact.

So, what about you? What’s your view on regrets?