(Technically I failed to post yesterday. If I hadn’t been at a birthday party, you would have got the below).
You can have two posts today instead.
I’m writing this on the train to Kent and am wondering how today’s topic popped into my head.
Then I remember I’m feeling a little sappy as I’m carried further and further away from my one true love. A night apart is nothing of course but next week we’ll be separated from Monday to Thursday while he’s in Ireland ‘on business’ and that’s harder to take.
(He is actually on business so I’m not sure why I used the inverted commas. Are they even inverted commas? What’s an inverted comma again?) 😱
I’m trying to not be a baby about my alone time. I’m making plans and not just hibernating in my pants. I’m actually loving the feeling of not having to accommodate someone else for a while but I miss having someone to go home to, and the hot body beside me.
(Another aside, whenever I deign to write anything positive about my marriage on Facebook I get the ‘Smug married’ comments and it drives me nuts. So if you think I sound smug, that’s your problem. Believe me I’ve done enough time to now be allowed to wax lyrical about how lucky I am, sue me).
I love being married. I never thought I would get married to anyone. There was never a picture of a white dress, a ring or a handsome man in my mind’s eye.
We discussed the idea of it in my last relationship which is inevitable I suppose after six years together. The feeling was very much that I wanted it (although raising the question of whether we should is very different to actually wanting it) and he would one day reluctantly go through with it, if I was good.
(He was a fucking dick head).
He’d been married before and was very down on the whole institution of marriage, as if he’d only just escaped the confines of an actual institution. Having met his lovely ex-wife (and remained on great terms), it was hard to see why he was so hard done by but there it is. I hated the way he spoke about marriage and knew I would never do it with him. Who needed to be spoken about the way he spoke about his ex? No thank you very much.
My meander towards happiness changed course thank fuck and lead me to be sitting in this seat on this train, looking back on my former views on marriage vs. my reality.
I married my favourite person in the world and it’s been so much fun. We don’t have a flashy life but I love it, I’d recommend it to anyone if that’s what they want to do. And this guy is proud to be my husband, honestly he’ll tell anyone.
I love belonging to someone else, being someone’s old woman. I am mine but it’s nice to know there’s another human being invested in me, hopefully for life. It feels nice and makes me feel strong.
I thought that was worth paying tribute to today.